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1 Library of Congress. ™ 

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:^:^UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. ^M^ 

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THE SHEAF: 



OE, 



THE WORK OF GOD IN THE SOUI 



AS ILLUSTRATED IN 



THE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE 



OF 



MRS. CORDELIA THOMAS. 



"Except a corn of vrhent fall into the ground and die, it abideth 
alone : but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." John 12 : 2-1. 



BOSTON: 
PUBLISHED BY HENRY V. DEGEN, 

KO . 7 CORNHILL. 

1852. 






*$> 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1851, 

By Cordelia Thomas, 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massachusetts* 



Stereotyped by 

HO BART & BOBBINS, 

Boston. 



Printed by Geo. C. Rand, 3 Cornhill. 



NOTICE BY THE PUBLISHER. 



The writer of this little work, the wife of a much 
esteemed Methodist clergyman in the city of Buf- 
falo, is known to the community in which she lives, 
as a lady of good education and talents, as well as 
of devoted piety. The interesting narrative of her 
experience, which is here given to the public, hap- 
pily illustrates some of the principles and methods 
of practical holiness. Others, perhaps, have been 
the subjects of a similar experience, without having 
the opportunity and the literary qualifications, which 
would enable them to give expression to it. Situ- 
ated as she is, she has felt that God had a work for 
her to do, which might not be equally expected of 
others ; and she has endeavored with divine assist- 
ance to accomplish it. The reserve which is natu- 
ral to woman, and especially to one who acknowl- 
edges all her gifts to be derived from God, would 



II NOTICE BY THE PUBLISHER. 

have led her to suppress the knowledge of God's 
remarkable dealings with her soul, if her heavenly 
Father had allowed her, at the same time, to sup- 
press her benevolent interest in the welfare of 
others. Her ardent desire for the welfare of others, 
whom she hopes her statements will benefit, has 
enabled her to set aside all considerations of per- 
sonal reluctance and inconvenience. Many undoubt- 
edly, who have been perplexed by peculiarities of 
inward experience, will be led to thank her for her 
labor and her sacrifice of personal feeling. 



PREFACE 



The writer of the present little work, having 
some years since arrived at that stage of religious 
experience not unfrequently denominated "the 
rest of faith," begs leave to present herself before 
the reader with her " Sheaf," the first fruits of 
that ripened harvest which her soul has realized 
in its spiritual Canaan. 

She has given a brief narration of her wander- 
ings and haltings, before her goings were estab- 
lished in the highway of holiness, in hope that, 
while it may prove a warning to the inquirer 
after truth not to follow her example, it may also 
afford a ray of comfort to such as find themselves 
treading in an uncertain path. 

She has been especially prompted to take her 

pen, that she might bear testimony to those stages 
1^ 



IV PREFACE. 

of religious experience which follow that faith 
which establishes the soul in righteousness. 

Believing that not a few have mistaken the 
beginnings of a life of faith for its maturity, and 
consequently have endured but for a season, she 
has wished to premonish the young pilgrim in the 
way of holiness, that the fight of faith is yet to 
come, and that, having girded on the armor, he is 
not to boast as he that puts it off. She has de- 
sired to speak a word of encouragement to such 
as are actually engaged in the heat of battle, by 
assuring them that there comes a period, not 
necessarily connected with the death of the body, 
when, with respect to wrestling with the carnal 
mind, or the life of self, it may be said the war- 
fare is accomplished. 

That He whose prerogative it is to guide into 

all truth may bless the perusal of this sketch of 

Christian experience to the good of the reader, is 

the prayer of 

THE AUTHOR. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

First impressions of truth. — Convicted of sin at the age of 
six years. — Encouraged to pray for pardon. — Evidence of 
forgiveness. — The path of duty clearly indicated by the 
Spirit. — Failures in obedience. — Lack of religious instruc- 
tion, and want of Christian sympathy. — No apology for 
backsliding. — Necessary aid always given. — The spiritual 
life the same in the child as in the adult. — Primary les- 
sons of the Christian. — The present demand of the church 
and the world, 9 

CHAPTER II. 

Resolved to return to the Lord. — Attended camp-meeting. 

— Sought pardon. — Evidence of acceptance not satisfactory. 

— Sought justification by the deeds of the law. — Convinced 
of the necessity of inward holiness. — Increasingly sensible 
of inward bondage. — Earnest desires for deliverance. — 
Went to R . — Obtained the blessing through faith, . 15 

CHAPTER III. 

For nine years the position gained scarcely maintained. — 
Misapprehensions of the real stage of Christian experience 
attained. — Felt like a babe in Christ. — "Want of spiritual 
advisers. — Perplexed with various questions. — An exact 
something required. — Christ a patient teacher, . . . .30 



VI CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER IV. 

Outward privations. — Difficulties of circumstances. — Ac- 
quaintance with Christian friends. — Searched the Scriptures 
to find the true doctrine of the offices of the Comforter. — 
Led to discover the cause of previous failures. — Received 
the kingdom in its beginnings. — Found perfect rest, the 
fruit of perfect faith, 42 

CHAPTER V. 

The Christian like a traveller. — Sometimes knows his pre- 
cise position from having arrived at a given point. — 
Inclined to look upon past experience. — Wondered at the 
abundant yet unavailing toilings. — Retrospect of the 
ground already occupied. — Detained at the threshold of 
the kingdom of heaven, from not apprehending its nature. 

— God can bless the haltings of some to the good of others. 

— Precise boundaries to different stages of experience not 
easily described, 51 

CHAPTER VI. 

The eye of faith turned within, to watch the workings of the 
Spirit. — Believed that he would work his wonders in his 
own way. — Read in the Scriptures the wonders wrought by 
the Spirit. — Saw that human wisdom must forever lie 
buried in the dust. — The Christian cheerfully descends, in 
order to exalt Christ. — The ultimate result which the soul 
must realize that becomes clay in the hands of an indwell- 
ing God. — The process through which it arrives at this 
result. — Saw as through a glass darkly what was to be 
ultimately realized, 61 

CHAPTER VII. 

The manner in which God's work was made openly manifest, 
as, also, the way in which were shadowed forth both the 
suffering and the glory yet to be realized, 68 



CONTENTS. VII 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Called to leave first principles. — Days of spiritual desolation 
and sore conflict. — New test of obedience. — Suggestions 
of Satan. — Suffered no unnecessary pain. — Little varia- 
tion of experience. — A gradual change. — Led to consider 
previous exercises. — Became inured to trial. — Increase 
of the spiritual life. — Indications of the nature and 
progress of the work. — Marked assurances of the fulfil- 
ment of a precious promise, 94 

CHAPTER IX. 

Came to a complete triumph. — Was enabled to give an 
explicit testimony to the hidden workings of the Spirit. — 
Overshadowed with the exceeding glory of the presence of 
the Lord. — Spiritual communings. — A clear indication 
of a call from God. — Left home. — Seemed in more than 
Eden's garden. — The joy of the soul restored from the 
bondage of sin to the image of God, greater than Adam's 
in his primeval state. — Arrived at S. — Fulfilled the 
mission given. — Conscious of being made a sign to oth- 
ers, 113 

CHAPTER X. 

Too much importance not to be attached to the manner of the 
Spirit's operations. — The varied condition of the soul at 
different stages of experience. — The soul that is in union 
with Christ in union with his purposes to others, . . .125 

CHAPTER XI. 

Safety in submission to the teachings of the Spirit. — The 
Scriptures point to the Comforter, and its teachings lead to 
an inward kingdom. — Causes of ignorance in spiritual 
things. — Spiritual wickedness the great barrier in the way 



VIII CONTENTS. 

of the advancement of the church. — A day of triumph at 
hand, 142 

CHAPTER XII. 

A word to Christ's little ones who have chosen him in poverty 
of spirit. — Zion already in beautiful garments, . . .151 



THE SHEAF. 



CHAPTER I. 

First impressions of truth. — Convicted of sin at the age of 
six years. — Encouraged to pray for pardon. — Evidence of 
forgiveness. — The path of duty clearly indicated by the 
Spirit. — Failures in obedience. — Lack of religious instruc- 
tion, and want of Christian sympathy. — No apology for 
backsliding. — Necessary aid always given. — The spiritual 
life the same in the child as in the adult. — Primary les- 
sons of the Christian. — The present demand of the church 
and the world. 

Among my earliest recollections, I cannot 
refer to any period when I was not, to some 
extent, under the influence of religious truth. 
Early taught that " Man's chief end is to 
glorify God, and enjoy him forever," I 
regarded my Creator as a being of infinite 
perfections, hating sin and loving holiness ; 
rewarding obedience with eternal life, and 
disobedience with eternal death. 

When about six years of age, the law of 



10 THE SHEAF. 

God, early impressed on my heart, served as 
a school-master to bring me to Christ. Hav- 
ing deviated from the truth, I was made 
conscious that I was a sinner, and felt the 
wrath of God abiding on me. Though 
alone, the distress and anguish of my heart 
gave utterance to such cries as alarmed my 
friends, and led them, as they hastily entered 
the room where I was, to inquire the cause 
of my agitation. With wringing hands, 
which betokened the despair of my soul, I 
exclaimed, " I have told a lie ! I have told a 
lie!" With a soothing voice, my mother 
said, " Can you not pray to God for pardon? 
Pray to him and he will forgive you, for he 
has given his Son to die for sinners." I 
replied, "I do not know how to pray." 
" Do you not know the Lord's prayer?" 
said she. "Not the whole of it," was the 
answer; but anxious to make use of every 
possible means to escape from the wrath of 
God, I desired to repeat it after my eldest 
sister. 

My father, having been sent for, came and 
engaged in prayer. I was sitting on the lap 
of an aunt. My father was making supplica- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 11 

tion to God on my behalf, when the tumult 
of my soul was hushed, and there was a 
great calm. I was as conscious of pardon 
as I had been of guilt. The name of Jesus 
was music to me in that hour, for until 
prayer was proposed I had not indulged a 
thought of forgiveness. For a time my 
peace and my love were constant. Happy 
would it have been for me, if from that hour 
I had been obedient to the light bestowed. 

The downward tendencies of my nature 
choked the seed sown in my heart. A plain 
path was shown me, in which I might have 
walked, but the narrowness of the way 
made me afraid. The Spirit would have 
been a sure guide, had I obeyed him. When 
convicted that I had done wrong, he indi- 
cated to me that I ought at once to confess 
it to my friends, and ask them to pray for 
me. Here I faltered. The sins, of which I 
felt guilty, were not known to any one but 
myself. I thought it surpassing strange that 
after God had forgiven me once, I had dared 
to sin again. I thought that my friends 
would wonder at me if I confessed that I 
had again sinned, as they never intimated 
2 



12 THE SHEAF. 

that I was in any danger in this respect. 
Held back from obedience through fear and 
shame, I soon lost my heavenly peace. 
What a loss was that to me ! How often, 
in rny childhood, when the remembrance of 
my lost happiness haunted me in the silence 
of the night, have I indulged the vain wish 
that I had died in infancy, or just at that 
moment when God forgave me my sins! 
What years of sadness and regret were the 
years of my life's morning! How sunny 
they might have been, had I but consented 
to learn the lesson of obedience ! The buoy- 
ancy and frolicsomeness which characterize 
the child were little experienced by me. I 
was like a poor, lone, stray lamb, without a 
shepherd to call after me. 

The friends who were acquainted with 
my religious experience, and were fully 
satisfied that it was the work of the Lord, 
seemed to feel no responsibility with refer- 
ence to my case. Some of them regarded 
my conversion as an evidence that my stay 
on earth was short. While they were 
expecting that death would release me from 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 13 

the ills of life, a spiritual blight came over 
my soul. 

I have not a reproachful word for those to 
whom I then looked for help, but found 
none. They would gladly have afforded 
the needed instruction, had they been com- 
petent to the task. Much as I once re- 
gretted that in my early experience there 
had been no one to act toward me the part 
of a spiritual adviser, I am now perfectly 
satisfied that Infinite Wisdom, knowing the 
exact place for which he designed me in 
his building, gave me at that time all the 
inward light and outward helps which were 
then necessary for the development of the 
Christian character. 

The spiritual life is the same in the child 
as in the person of mature years. In view 
of this fact, I cannot but admire that wisdom 
which made thus early outward circum- 
stances so advantageous to my learning these 
primary lessons of the Christian disciple, — 
entire dependence upon God, confidence in 
him, and obedience to him. 

When I reflect that the present state of 
the church and the world demands experi- 



14 THE SHEAF. 

ericed and valiant soldiers, who will, if need 
be, go out alone, and stand up at God's com- 
mand and do his bidding, my early lack of 
counsellors, upon whom I could lean for 
spiritual instruction, ceases to be a mystery. 



CHAPTER II. 

Resolved to return to the Lord. — Attended camp-meeting. 

— Sought pardon. — Evidence of acceptance not satisfactory. 

— Sought justification by the deeds of the law. — Convinced 
of the necessity of inward holiness. — Increasingly sensible 
of inward bondage. — Earnest desires for deliverance. — 
Went to R . — Obtained the blessing through faith. 

I lived a stranger to happiness until eleven 
years of age, when, becoming alarmed at my 
stupidity and hardness of heart, I resolved to 
return to the Lord. 

As there was to be a camp-meeting in the 

town of G , in this state, and as my 

father and the older members of the family 
were designing to attend it, I thought that if 
I could obtain permission, I would go there, 
and there seek God. 

A solemn awe pervaded my heart, as I 
entered upon the encampment. It being the 
first day of the meeting, but few persons 
were on the ground. I was attracted to a 
certain spot, near the preacher's stand, by 
the sound of vocal music. I approached, 
2* 



16 THE SHEAF. 

and heard two female voices singing the fol- 
lowing words: 

" Happy children we shall be, 
Happy in eternity." 

This seemed the chorus of their song, and 
served, by way of contrast, to deepen my 
sorrow. Early the next morning, I w T as 
invited by a friend to present myself at the 
altar of prayer as a seeker. After a little 
hesitancy, I complied, and commenced cry- 
ing for mercy. I was exhorted to believe 
on the Lord Jesus Christ. I knew, indeed, 
that there was no other name through which 
I could be saved ; but how to exercise faith 
was a mysterious question. Instantly re- 
verting to the time of previous pardon, I was 
unable in that instance to recall the act of 
faith. At that early period I had not learned 
to doubt. My mother had no sooner said, 
"Pray to God and he will forgive you,'' 
than I obeyed, and found pardon. But dur- 
ing the years of my disobedience unbelief 
had taken deep root in my heart. 

I did endeavor to give myself to Christ, 
but had not a satisfactory evidence of accept- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 17 

ance. My effort to exercise faith was an 
effort to believe that I was accepted, rather 
than an effort to cease from self and rely on 
the atonement. The eye of my mind was 
thus diverted from looking to God as my 
only hope. I was conscious that I had not 
that sweet peace which I once had, when I 
rejoiced in a sense of pardon, but hoped that 
in the performance of Christian duties I 
should find spiritual comfort. 

I examined myself as to the evidences of 
my being a Christian. Among the evidences 
which I thought I discovered were these : — 
a determination to forsake sin and lead a 
new life ; doing every known duty ; a love 
for God's people, preferring their society to 
that of others. 

I ventured to make a profession of religion, 
realizing that it imposed upon me many 
obligations. These obligations I purposed 
to meet, but often failed. My religious his- 
tory, for about five years, presents the pic- 
ture of one under the law, acknowledging 
its outward claims, and seeking justification 
by outward services. I practised much self- 
denial, performed many duties, and bore 



18 THE SHEAF. 

many crosses ; but they were of an outward 
character. I knew not the deeply inward 
claims of the law. True faith, an insepa- 
rable element of the spiritual life, was want- 
ing. 

My condition was the more deplorable 
because I knew not my danger. During 
this time, I was often the subject of deep 
emotions. I experienced much satisfaction 
in the consciousness of having performed 
those duties which I considered incumbent 
upon me. I often went to the prayer-meet- 
ing so burdened with the conviction that it 
was my duty to take a part in the exercises 
of the meeting, by speaking or praying, that 
I felt borne down by a weight which seemed 
well-nigh intolerable. Though I sometimes 
failed to meet my convictions of duty in this 
respect, I oftener met them, and in doing so 
the tide of emotional feeling flowed in another 
direction, and I became the subject of pleas- 
urable emotions, which more than balanced 
the pain of my previous burden. I experi- 
enced much satisfaction in religious medita- 
tions. I loved to converse with death. The 
scenes of the judgment were often present 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 19 

to my imagination, as well as the delights 
of heaven and the miseries of hell. As a 
rational being, convinced that my soul's 
happiness and safety depended upon my 
giving myself to the service of the Lord, I 
was hearty and sincere in the attempt. I 
turned from the vanities and pleasures of the 
world without any regret. Indeed, I had 
never known much of what are generally 
considered its fascinations. I was, however, 
very early the subject of an ambition to 
become great, and to be ranked among the 
intellectually great and wise. For the ac- 
complishment of my purpose I intended to 
make everything else subservient. Even 
piety itself seemed to possess additional 
charms, when I regarded it as desirable to 
make one wise. 

I early made up my mind that I must be 
a Christian of no ordinary grade; — that 
generations yet unborn must be stimulated 
to deeds of noble daring, influenced by my 
example. This early ambition, deep-rooted, 
though unperceived, was as a canker-worm 
to my soul; but He, who has said that 
" except your righteousness shall exceed 



20 THE SHEAF. 

the righteousness of the scribes and Phari- 
sees, ye shall in no case enter into the king- 
dom of heaven," was pleased by degrees to 
remove the scales from my eyes. 

The reading of Mr. Wesley's Plain Account 
of Christian Perfection was made the instru- 
ment of convincing me of the necessity of 
Christian holiness. I resolved to seek it 
until I should find it. Ignorant of true 
faith, I sought this, as I had been accustomed 
to seek all spiritual good, by the performance 
of outward acts. My visits to my closet 
were more frequent. Many times in a day 
I retired for secret prayer ; but when with 
my lips I cried, " O Lord, sanctify my soul," 
my heart said, " It cannot be done now, — I 
cannot believe now, — I must wait until 
after years of faithful discharge of duty, 
before I can presume to expect so great a 
blessing." 

I realized in a manner never before 
experienced the contamination of sin, and 
the odiousness of it in God's sight. Beset 
on every hand, in my feeble endeavors to 
resist it, I realized the truth of these words 
of the poet : — 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 21 

" The more I strove against its power, 
I felt its weight and guilt the more." 

Pride and anger were sins which easily 
beset me. I was frequently overcome by 
them to an extent that occasioned great 
mortification and sorrow. While I had 
rested in the form of godliness, the enemy 
had seen little occasion for disturbing my 
repose ; but as soon as God showed me what 
was in my heart, and I began to declare 
war against inward sin, I was like a house 
divided against itself. As I could not have 
victory without faith, in every contest I was 
overcome. I believed that there was help 
for me in Christ; and though the conflict 
seemed more and more severe, my determi- 
nation to get the victory grew stronger and 
stronger. I was so bowed down under a 
sense of spiritual bondage, that often, in 
secret places, prostrating myself upon the 
floor, and not finding suitable words by 
which to utter my complaint, I endeavored, 
by deep groanings, to give vent to the sor- 
rows of my heart. 

After months of conflict, my heart was 



22 THE SHEAF. 

gladdened by hearing that a number of per- 
sons in the city of Rochester had experienced 
the blessing of sanctification. I immediately 
formed the purpose of visiting that place, 
hoping there to see some one who could 
teach me how to find that inestimable pearl. 

At the close of the year 1830, 1 was found 
among the worshippers at the old brick 

chapel, in the city of R . Though 

twenty years since, I recollect well the sub- 
ject of the sermon preached. It was an 
exposition of the dream of Nebuchadnezzar. 
I well remember with what thrilling delight 
I listened to the arguments of the speaker, 
as they were adduced to show the proba- 
bility that we were on the eve of events that 
would introduce to our view that part of the 
vision represented by the mountain covering 
the wiiole earth. 

Interested as I was in this to me favorite 
subject, there was one of far deeper and 
more absorbing interest, — that of personal 
holiness. My constant cry was, " Create in 
me a clean heart, O God ! " I could not 
bear to think of entering upon the duties of 
a new year without being made free in 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 23 

Christ. I deprecated that bondage into 
which sin had brought me, and groaned for 
deliverance. 

Hope began to spring up in my soul. I 
apprehended Christ as perfectly able and 
willing to save me, and was in constant 
expectation of feeling in my heart that the 
work was accomplished. Still the blessing 
tarried. I entered upon the new year, and 
was still a seeker. The day following was 
the Sabbath. Throughout the day I was 
continually looking within, that I might dis- 
cover the first signal that should betoken the 
accomplishment of the work. 

On Sunday evening, such was the intensity 
of my desire that I resolved that I would not 
sleep, but spend the night in prayer. The 
recollection of Jacob's wrestling with the 
angel had prompted me to this resolution. I 
took the Bible, and, kneeling before God, 
read, again and again, "Ask and ye shall 
receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and it 
shall be opened unto you. If ye then, being 
evil, know how to give good gifts unto your 
children, how much more shall your Heav- 
enly Father give the Holy Spirit to them 
3 



24 THE SHEAF. 

that ask him." I felt that these promises 
were for me, and tried to avail myself of 
their benefit. I read, again and again, the 
following hymn : 

" Come, my God, the promise seal ! 
This mountain sin remove ! 
Now in my waiting soul reveal 
The virtue of thy love. 

" I want thy life, thy purity, 

Thy righteousness brought in ; 
I ask, desire, and trust in thee, 
To be redeemed from sin. 

" For this, as taught by thee, I pray, 
And can no longer doubt ; 
Eemove from hence, to sin I say ; 
Be cast this moment out. 

" Anger and sloth, desire and pride, 
This moment be subdued ; 
Be cast into the crimson tide 
Of my Redeemer's blood. 

" Saviour, to thee my soul looks up ; 
My present Saviour thou ; 
In all the confidence of hope, 
I claim the blessing now. 

" 'Tis done ; thou dost this moment save, 
With full salvation bless ; 
Redemption through thy blood I have, 
And spotless love and peace." 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 25 

How much did I desire a present realiza- 
tion of all that is expressed in this hymn ! 
It was soon suggested that as Jacob wrestled 
all night with the angel, it would be pre- 
sumption in me to think of being blessed 
before the break of day. " Surely you ought 
to be willing to wrestle all night, when good 
old Jacob did the same," said the tempter. 
When my willingness was to be tested, of 
course I must consent that the blessing 
should be deferred. 

About five o'clock, ere the break of day, 
darkness came upon me. My shrinking 
flesh began to complain, 

" And murmur to contend so long." 

Almost discouraged, I retired to rest, but 
awoke, after a short sleep, with an unalter- 
able determination to have the blessing, as I 
believed it was for me. 

On that day, as I sat anxiously inquiring 
why the work of God was retarded, the 
following questions were proposed by the 
voice of the Spirit : Are you willing, for 
the sake of this inestimable pearl, to sell all 
that you have? Are you willing to meet 



26 THE SHEAF. 

the obligations involved in the reception of 
such a blessing? Will you acknowledge it 
to the church and the world? Do you 
believe that God is able and willing now to 
sanctify you ? Do you believe that now he 
does sanctify you ? 

To all but the last inquiry I could give an 
affirmative answer. Increasing light beamed 
upon me here. I said, " What does the Lord 
require of me this moment, but inward holi- 
ness ? If he require this now, does he not 
require the faith requisite to this state now ? 
If it be my duty, is it not my privilege to 
have this faith ? " The truth at this moment 
flashed upon my mind. With a purpose as 
unalterable as that of the Medes and the 
Persians, I determined to go to my chamber, 
kneel before God, and put my trust in him 
before rising from my knees, though in the 
execution of my purpose it should cost me 
my life. 

There was not, in this act, any purpose 
of bringing God to my terms. Exactly the 
reverse of this was the fact. It was bringing 
myself to his terms. With this vow upon 
me, I retired to the designated spot. My 



RELIGIOUS EXPERlBtfCE. 27 

adversary suggested that I had been pre- 
sumptuous, if not impious, in making such 
a resolution, since I was so destitute of feel- 
ing. He suggested that, as I was in no 
struggle of soul, I was in no condition to 
receive the blessing; that the probability 
was that I should die or break my vow; 
that, at any rate, if I obtained the good I 
sought, it would cost me a desperate struggle. 

Yielding to this last suggestion, as I was 
unwilling to break my vow or to die without 
the blessing, I commenced to struggle by 
crying aloud for mercy. My crying was so 
violent as to call to my help praying friends ; 
but I soon perceived that it was not impor- 
tunity alone which moves the Friend of sin- 
ners. 

Turning my eye to Christ, stopping my 
ears to every suggestion but that of the 
Spirit, I gazed upon the Victim of the cross 
with an imploring look, saying, in the lan- 
guage of the poet, 

" Other refuge I have none, 
Hangs my helpless soul on thee." 

"My Saviour, I trust in thee now; I 
3* 



28 • THE SHEAF. 

believe that thou savest me now" So 
intent was I in committing myself into the 
hands of Christ as my Saviour, that I lost all 
concern for anything else. Satisfied that he 
that believes is saved, I asked for no other 
evidence than faith, being assured that "he 
that belie veth hath the witness in himself. " 
Conscious, through the illumination of the 
Spirit, that I believed, I was just as conscious 
that I was saved; faith being "the sub- 
stance of things hoped for, the evidence of 
things not seen." I was not filled with 
ecstatic delight, but with 

" That solemn awe that dares not move, 
And all the silent heaven of love." 

Christ gave me rest in that hour. He took 
me out of the pit. A new song was put into 
my mouth. I declared to all around, 

" This is the way I long have sought." 

Returning home, I testified to the power 
of Jesus to save from all sin. The language 
of my heart was, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 29 

" Forever here my rest shall be, 
Close to thy bleeding side ; 
'T is all my hope, and all my plea, 
For me the Saviour died." 

No commandment was grievous, no duty 
was irksome. Christ's yoke was easy, and 
his burden light. Death and the grave were 
disarmed of their terrors. 



CHAPTER III. 

For nine years the position gained scarcely maintained. — 
Misapprehensions of the real stage of Christian experience 
attained. — Felt like a babe in Christ. — Want of spiritual 
advisers. -— ■ Perplexed with various questions. — An exact 
something required. — Christ a patient teacher. 

It will perhaps be surprising to the reader 
to learn that for about nine years I scarcely 
maintained the position now gained; that, 
instead of advancing, I revolved continually 
in the same circle. 

I had learned one lesson which I could 
not forget. I had learned how to put my 
trust in God, but not how to keep it there. 
Continually laying the foundation, there 
was no opportunity of building thereon. 
Among the hindrances which opposed my 
progress were these : — 

In the first place, I misapprehended my 
spiritual state, by supposing that I had 
arrived at a state of maturity as a Christian, 
when, in fact, I was a mere babe in Christ. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 31 

Not that I supposed that I should cease to 
grow in grace. On the contrary, I expected 
a rapid growth. But the fact that the mass 
of professing Christians seemed quite content 
without even aiming at entire consecration, 
had a tendency to make me mistake my true 
position. I knew that they regarded those 
that professed that the blood of Christ had 
cleansed them from all sin as making great 
professions. I was jealous for the honor of 
God, and this was to me an absorbing ques- 
tion, — How shall I meet my responsibilities 
in such a way as to evince to others that 
God has wrought in me this great deliver- 
ance ? 

I felt, indeed, that I was like a babe that 
had just begun to recognize the mother; but 
the persuasion was, that, having reached 
this uncommon attainment, great things 
were required of me; that, as a matter of 
course, mighty works would show forth 
themselves in me. 

I recollect that the first time in which I 
opened my mouth in prayer in the public 
prayer-meeting, after I had come to real- 
ize the dawnings of the life of faith, that 



32 THE SHEAF. 

because, in yielding myself to obey the 
influences of the Spirit, I felt satisfied with 
saying but few words before the Lord, it 
was immediately suggested that no one 
would judge from my praying that I had 
experienced anything uncommon. 

Like a pupil who, because he has been in 
school a long time, and has given attention 
to almost every branch of science, though he 
has never learned anything properly, yet 
thinks himself entitled to a place in advanced 
classes, and that he is even competent to 
teach others, so I commenced trying to learn 
the lessons and perform the duties of a 
mother in Israel. 

I do not intend to say that I was seeking 
outward preferment, or that I was con- 
sciously endeavoring to make an exhibition 
of what I did not actually possess, but that, 
while the work of grace in my heart 
answered to seed just sown, I was expect- 
ing to realize the full corn in the ear. No.t 
realizing that the true inward life as natu- 
rally manifests itself in a proper outward 
conduct as the good tree readily brings forth 
good fruit, I did not cease from my own 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 33 

works, but endeavored to imitate what I 
considered were the legitimate works of the 
mature Christian. 

It was my lot, in this stage of experience, 
as in the earlier periods of my life, to feel 
the want of spiritual advisers. Though I 
am confident that God knew what was 
best for me in this respect, I must say that 
if I had very many instructors, I had not 
many fathers. Believing that my instructors 
were fathers, I was not only hindered in my 
spiritual advancement, but brought into 
bondage by their traditions. 

In my eagerness to know in what way or 
by what means my spiritual growth could 
be hastened, I often met this reply to my 
inquiries : " You must live by faith. 77 This 
would have been a word in season, had 
there not been in connection with it that oft 
repeated adage, "We have all the religion 
we live for. 77 In my haste to become 
spiritually rich, I received this adage as a 
golden rule. 

The only question was, How much ought 
I to live for ? What I desired and aimed at 
was to be just right every moment of my 



34 THE SHEAF. 

life; but I often found myself perplexed with 
questions such as these : Though I know 
that my eye is continually to Christ, how 
can I be assured but that if witk more 
intensity I looked to him I should receive 
greater blessings? Where should be the 
limit of my faith % Can I be right, and not 
believe all that God requires me to believe? 
I can trust Christ to cleanse me from all sin, 
but what more does he wait to do for me? 
If he wait to do more for me, and I must 
receive it by faith, then what should faith 
claim? Do not the Scriptures say that he 
is able to do abundantly for us, more than 
we are able to ask, or even think? How 
shall I avail myself of this abundance, and 
how shall I know that I receive according to 
the measure which he designs to give? 
There were times when my faith claimed, 
for the moment, all that God could bestow 
in that moment ; yet I did not rest here. I 
was restless, hungering and thirsting; but 
"as if increase of appetite grew on what it 
fed, I was never satisfied." 

In my perplexed condition, I often endeav- 
ored to increase the inward life by outward 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 35 

activity. In my ignorance I was often lay- 
ing plans and forming schemes by which I 
might better my condition. Accustomed to 
measure myself by others, and to compare 
myself with others, I especially coveted 
those gifts and graces which would render 
me useful to the church and the world ; and 
while I looked for illustrious examples, I was 
inclined to mark out for myself a course of 
duty similar to that followed by such as 
have been eminent for piety. 

Another question, which perplexed me 
much at this time, was, how to distinguish 
between the temptations of the devil and 
the risings of corrupt nature. While the 
works of the flesh had been made manifest 
to me, and my soul had come to an utter 
loathing of them, when my faith appre- 
hended Christ as a perfect Saviour from all 
sin, it did in effect say to him, Take these, 
thine enemies, and slay them. How great 
was my surprise to find that after I had 
fully committed myself before the church 
and the world, as a witness that the blood 
of Christ cleanses from all sin, that I was 
still in possession of the same propensities 
4 



36 THE SHEAF. 

which I had before, and still felt myself in 
danger of being overcome by them. 

I recollect very well that, one day, soon 

after my return from R , while my 

hands were busily employed, and my heart 
intently engaged in looking to Jesus, a mem- 
ber of the family seemed much disposed to 
lead me into conversation, which appeared 
quite unnecessary, and especially disturbing 
to me, as I was disposed to meditation. I 
was surprised to know that there was dis- 
coverable, to myself at least, a feeling of 
impatience. I looked to Christ, and felt 
that I was saved. Indeed, I had no sense 
of condemnation, but I was ready to inquire, 
with much concern, What is that state of 
grace in which I stand 1 Do I bear witness 
to the truth when I say that the blood of 
Christ cleanses me from all sin? What 
have I gained by that work which God 
has wrought in me? Satan would gladly 
have persuaded me that I had gained 
nothing; but I could not consent to that. 
I was conscious that I had learned one 
lesson, — that I had learned to look to 
Christ and be saved ; and whether tempta- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 37 

tion came from the world, the flesh, or the 
devil, I realized his power to save to that 
extent that I did not come into condemna- 
tion. 

Had my faith at this time been perfect, 
I might, doubtless, have smiled with equal 
contempt at the rage of Satan, the frowns 
of the world, and the complainings of the 
flesh, considering them all as unable to harm 
while my soul relied on my all-sufficient 
Saviour. Had my faith been perfect, I 
should have been saved from all my halt- 
ings. I am constrained to confess that 
instead of the work of grace in my heart at 
this time answering to good seed sown on 
good ground, it better corresponded to that 
sown among thorns. If what is properly 
denominated worldly care did not choke the 
seed, that anxiety which must ever be 
present where perfect trust is wanting did 
prove a hindrance to the spiritual life. If 
the deceitfulness of worldly riches and the 
love of worldly gain did not become in me 
the root of all evil, my impatient haste im- 
mediately to become rich in spiritual bless- 



38 THE SHEAF. 

ings, both in gifts and graces, baffled the 
design of the Sower of the seed. 

The experienced Christian will readily 
perceive my true condition. With respect 
to outward duties, like a child trying to do 
the work of a man because he thinks he is a 
man. With regard to the inward life, like 
a child who can walk only in one direction, 
— to the outstretched arms of his mother. 
As the child can never perform the work of a 
man, so the babe in Qhrist can never perform 
the work of a mature Christian. He may 
imitate his works, but all such works are 
only wood, hay, and stubble, that cannot 
abide the fire. 

As the experienced Christian will readily 
perceive, my varied misapprehensions were 
the result of ignorance in one direction. I 
did not rightly apprehend the offices of the 
Comforter, and, consequently, had not the 
inward anointing, — the unction from the 
Holy One, — causing me to know all things. 
With a true desire to please God, and make 
advancement in holiness, I was so fettered 
by ignorance and misconceived notions that 
the wonder is that the spiritual life did not 



EELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 39 

become extinct The difficulty was not that 
I did not earnestly covet all the fulness of 
the Gospel, or that I counted any sacrifice 
too great for its attainment, but that I failed 
to realize the manner in which the spiritual 
life is produced and maintained in the heart. 
No one can apprehend this, except him who 
receives Christ into his heart as his life ; and 
he who does this knows no other source of 
life, and he expects that the ratio of his 
progress will be according to the mighty 
workings of Him who is the way, the truth, 
and the life. He who, in consenting to the 
terms of discipleship, loses his life that he 
may find it again, realizes, from the first 
hour of spiritual infancy until he arrives in 
the unity of the faith, — unto the measure 
of the stature of a perfect man in Christ, — 
that he has all the grace which He who is 
his spiritual life can impart. With Paul, 
having received the Author and the Finisher 
of faith into his heart, he can say, "I live, 
yet not I, but Christ liveth in me ; and the 
life which I now live in the flesh I live by 
the faith of the Son of God." 

There is an exact something which God 
4* 



40 THE SHEAF. 

requires us to be, every moment of our lives. 
Says the Apostle John, He that saith I know 
him, and keepeth not his commandments, is 
a liar, and the truth is not in him. But we 
may ask, can we do any more than to keep 
his commandments, or any less than to keep 
them, and still know the Lord in the sense 
of the Apostle ? — He who has numbered the 
very hairs of our head has marked out the 
precise steps for us to take, all the way of 
our spiritual advancement. He does not 
give us a certain range, and say, In any 
part of this you may walk with my ap- 
proval, but if you will take this part you 
will please me better than if you take that. 

Here, with humble adoration, I would 
say, Thanks be to God that he has provided 
a remedy that meets every demand, — that 
he has laid help upon One that is mighty 
and able to save to the uttermost. Christ is 
a wise and patient teacher, as well as a com- 
passionate Saviour. He never despairs of a 
pupil, though he be slow to learn, if he but 
consent to remain in his school. He knew 
how to give me some lessons, which I was 
obliged to receive. He sent outward trials ? 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 41 

which were indeed severe; but I humbly- 
kissed the rod and him that appointed it, 
saying, "The cup which my Father hath 
given me, shall I not drink it?" 



CHAPTER IV. 

Outward privations. — Difficulties of circumstances. — Ac- 
quaintance with Christian friends. — Searched the Scriptures 
to find the true doctrine of the offices of the Comforter. — 
Led to discover the cause of previous failures. — Received 
the kingdom in its beginnings. — Found perfect rest, the 
fruit of perfect faith. 

As I found increasing cares arising from 
new relations, I felt, more and more, that 
God is the only source of comfort, and 
turned my eyes to him with increased 
intensity of desire and faith. 

My daily experience seemed to say that 
I, who early came to Christ, seeking prefer- 
ment in his kingdom, had not known what 
I had asked. Instead of doing great things 
in the vineyard of the Lord, I found that all 
the grace which I had seemed requisite to 
sustain me under my domestic cares and 
privations. And what were these? My 
time was so occupied with the labor of my 
hands that I did not find that leisure for 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 43 

religious meditation, reading, and prayer, 
that I had been accustomed to enjoy. What 
could I do if, while my spiritual wants in- 
creased, I should be deprived of those privi- 
leges which I had been accustomed to regard 
as necessary helps to a growth in grace ? 

It was with pain that I realized that I, 
who for years had been hoping that God 
would send me to a foreign land, to proclaim 
to the heathen the unsearchable riches of 
Christ, was very poorly adapted to fill the 
humble station in which I found myself, as 
the wife of a Methodist travelling preacher. 
I felt that my former habits of life had 
almost totally disqualified me for my posi- 
tion. Naturally reserved, I had given my- 
self so much to mental abstraction and 
religious meditation, that I had found little 
time and much less relish for society, except 
that of a few friends upon whom I lavished 
my affections. How could I become all 
things to all men for their good ? Neither 
nature, education, or grace, had taught me 
this lesson. 

Trying as was the reflection, the proba- 
bility appeared to be that I should pass 



44 THE SHEAF. 

away from this world without realizing my 
long-cherished hopes of extensive useful- 
ness. 

I was not insensible that my duties as a 
wife and a mother could not be regarded as 
small. I had no higher ambition, with 
regard to the little one whom God had 
given me, than that she should live to bless 
the church and the world; and I felt an 
earnest desire for wisdom, that I might, in 
her training, so meet my obligations that 
she might not fail to accomplish the high 
and exalted purposes for which she had been 
created. 

But having from childhood loved to 
anticipate the millennial reign, and having 
ardently hoped that I might be made the 
instrument of contributing to the hastening 
of that long-looked-for event, I was pained 
to know that my sphere of usefulness was 
so limited ; and still more was I pained to 
feel that in my limited sphere I was an 
almost cipher. 

God, having placed me in a position 
where I felt my necessity, in his own time 
and way brought relief. During the second 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 45 

year of our residence in P , I became 

acquainted with some Christian friends, 
whose conversation was rendered a great 
blessing to me. I discovered in them, 

especially in Sister C (who, being 

dead, yet speaketh), a depth of piety to 
which I was a stranger. She having, by a 
public profession of Christianity, subscribed 
to the doctrine that "no mere man, since 
the fall, is able perfectly to .keep the com- 
mandments of God, but daily doth break 
them in thought, word, and deed," had 
come to know, from the teachings of the 
Spirit, that "love is the fulfilling of the 
law," — that she could be just before her 
Judge, since her Judge was her Advocate. 

I loved to catch the words which fell 
from her lips. Though spoken with great 
calmness and gentleness, they fell with 
great power on my heart. She seemed to 
know the things whereof she affirmed; and 
though, in some instances, I failed to under- 
stand her, such a mere dwarf was I in 
spiritual things, I could not but remember 
the words which she spoke. They were as 
nails driven in a sure place. 



46 THE SHEAF. 

As I was eager to know the truth, so I 
was willing to receive it. I could not but 
remark with what confidence she spoke of 
the offices of the Spirit, declaring him to be 
the only teacher and guide, — the inter- 
preter of the Scriptures^ and the only 
medium through which spiritual things can 
be discerned. 

With a renewed spirit of inquiry, I un- 
folded the sacred pages of the Bible, and 
was surprised to learn that though I had 
been familiar with their language, I had 
failed to discover how expressly they point 
to the Comforter as the only hope of the 
church. I was led to the discovery of the 
great error of my religious life. I was 
forced to confess that what little I had 
known for a certainty of religious truth, I 
had known only by the teachings of the 
Spirit, — that the little way in which God 
had led me in the divine life had been 
pointed out to me by the guidance of the 
Spirit. 

I saw that I had been enveloped, as it 
were, by a cloudy mist, from which had 
proceeded many voices professedly declaring 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 47 

truth, but they had not given a certain 
sound, inasmuch as I had not been able to 
rely upon their infallibility. I heard a voice 
proclaiming, with no uncertainty, "This is 
my beloved Son; hear ye him." 

How could I hear him, if I rejected the 
Spirit whom the Father hath sent in his 
name ? How could I know the Father, if I 
knew not the Son ? and how could I know 
the Son, if the Spirit did not take of the 
tilings of Christ and show them to me ? 

I was led to see that my faith had been 
imperfect, inasmuch as it had claimed the 
merit of the death of Christ, without expect- 
ing the sure guidance of the Comforter. 
My meagerness, leanness, and barrenness, 
ceased to be a wonder. How could I avail 
myself of the gifts which he had received 
for me, so long as, blinded by ignorance 
and human wisdom, I had failed to perceive 
the only medium through which they could 
be communicated ? I saw that I had failed 
to discover the entirely spiritual nature of 
the kingdom of God; that though I had 
been accustomed to acknowledge, in the 
rain and in the sunshine, in the calm and 



48 THE SHEAF. 

in the storm, the munificent hand of a 
Heavenly Father, I had failed to perceive 
that, with equal acquiescence, it was my 
privilege to say, 

" So I may thy Spirit know, 
Let him as he listeth blow ; 
Let the manner be unknown, 
So I may with thee be one." 

I had not learned to commit to God, with 
the same confidence, both the workings of 
the inward kingdom and the affairs of out- 
ward providences. 

As I hailed with joy this beaming light 
upon my soul, and received Christ, as the 
author and finisher of faith, into my heart, 
I found every spiritual necessity met. I 
found perfect rest to my soul, by becoming 
clay in the hands of the potter. 

The language of my heart was, Thou, O 
Christ, art my Shepherd ; I shall not want 
anything; even of spiritual good. Thou art 
my living Bread, of which I eat and live ; 
my Smitten Rock, whence issue springs in 
the desert of my soul, from which all my 
thirst is assuaged; my Prophet, made of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 49 

God unto me wisdom, — what thou teachest, 
that I know; my King, thou writest thy 
laws upon my heart, and causest me to 
walk in thy statutes, to keep thy judgments, 
and do them. My Christ, my Prophet, 
Priest, and King; my threefold Head, I 
have thee and endless life. Lead me as 
thou pleasest, and where thou pleasest I 
will go. Teach me as thou wilt, and what 
thou wilt I will listen and obey. Hence- 
forth I call no man father, for one is my 
Father, even God ; — no man master, for one 
is my Master, even Christ. 

These, the beginnings of the kingdom in 
my heart, came not with outward observa- 
tion. Deep in the retirement of my soul I 
received these hidden truths, as the sure 
precursor of a brighter day. I gave no pub- 
lic testimony to the work wrought; and 
even in the limited circle of friends where I 
was known, I failed to make manifest these 
incipient stages of the setting up of the king- 
dom. 

I was not, at this time, the subject of any 
marked inward manifestations or outward 
developments. I had ceased to look for 



50 THE SHEAF. 

signs, contented to live by the faith of the 
Son of God. I was perfectly satisfied with 
what God, as a wise master-builder, was 
doing in the temple of my heart, not pre- 
suming even to inquire of the progress of the 
work, believing that he who had begun a 
good work in me was able to complete it, 
and that he would, in his own way and 
time, accomplish it. 



CHAPTER V. 

The Christian like a traveller. — Sometimes knows his pre- 
cise position from having arrived at a given point. — 
Inclined to look upon past experience. — Wondered at the 
abundant yet unavailing toilings. — Retrospect of the 
ground already occupied. — Detained at the threshold of 
the kingdom of heaven, from not apprehending its nature. 

— God can bless the haltings of some to the good of others. 

— Precise boundaries to different stages of experience not 
easily described. 

As the traveller in an unfrequented road 
often pursues his path with scarcely any 
knowledge of his precise position, except 
that he may know that he is following in 
that track which will lead him to his place 
of destiny ; and as it is his privilege, from 
time to time, to arrive at marked points, 
where he may know exactly where he is, 
and retrospect the way in which he is 
travelled, so it is with the Christian pilgrim. 

He who with full purpose of heart sets 
his face towards Zion is a traveller in an 
unknown path. He may have heard much 
5* 



52 THE SHEAF. 

of the way, — he may readily perceive his 
own starting point, and the direction which 
he is to take. As he pursues his journey, 
and finds that the road answers the descrip- 
tion which has been given him, he takes 
courage. But there are times when he can- 
not exactly define his position. He may 
know that he has not deviated from the 
path, and that he is following his guide; 
but he cannot always tell whereabouts on 
the path he is, or how much further he is to 
proceed before coming to a given point. 

There are times when he knows that he 
has reached a given point, — that he has 
passed through a marked stage of Christian 
experience. It is his privilege, from his. 
newly gained position, to retrospect the 
past; and while he remembers the con- 
sciousness that he has had that God was 
leading him in a way of which he was 
ignorant, it is his happiness to know that 
by a review he comes to a better knowledge 
of the way in which he has been led. 

I had come, at this time, to a period in 
my religious history when I was much 
inclined to look back upon past experience, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 53 

and pass judgment upon it. I did not wish 
to esteem lightly anything that was worthy 
of being considered valuable, and I am not 
conscious that I did ; but as I discovered my 
previous errors and misconceptions, I was 
led to exclaim, "How have I toiled all 
night, and caught nothing! How slow 
have I been to perceive the true path !" In 
the abundance which my soul realized, as I 
had come to apprehend Christ in all his 
offices, made known to me through the 
teachings of the indwelling Spirit, how I 
wondered that, for so many years, I had 
been abundant in toilings, without hearing 
the Master say, "Cast the net on the right 
side of the ship, and ye shall find." 

Before proceeding further, it may not be 
unprofitable to the reader to take a retro- 
spect of the ground already occupied. 

My early conviction of sin was deep and 
pungent. Though evidently the work of 
the Spirit, inasmuch as no human instru- 
mentality was apparent, it was, doubtless, 
the fruit of the seed of truth which was 
early sown in my heart. Though convicted 
and condemned for a single gin, in the par- 



54 THE SHEAF. 

don of that sin I found great joy and peace. 
I did not know, at that early age, that what 
I had experienced was what others called 
experiencing religion^ a term familiar to me 
as a household word. I soon learned, from 
what I heard my friends say of me, that 
they regarded me as having been converted. 
I used often to query with myself how it 
could be that I was converted, when I did 
not know that the Lord had forgiven me 
only one sin. I used to wonder that I did 
not feel distressed for other sins which I had 
committed, and often wished that I knew as 
certainly that all my sins were forgiven as I 
did that one was. I did not dare to tell 
any one my feelings upon this subject; but 
as I turned my thoughts to Christ, and real- 
ized how kind he had been in pardoning 
one sin, I was wont to feel that he was not 
angry with me for anything that I had ever 
done. 

In view of the fact that the natural man 
cannot discern the things of the Spirit, it is 
not strange, perhaps, that after years of 
wandering from a plain path, in my attempt 
to return I lost my way, or, rather, stopped 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 55 

short of the righteousness of faith. Though 
the darkness which had come upon me, in 
consequence of disobedience, was not at 
once dispelled, I was so desirous of being a 
real Christian that there was much of the 
time in which I sought justification by the 
works of the law, that I could say that I 
lived in all good conscience. 

Cradled in the lap of Methodism, — my 
father's house being the home for the itine- 
rant, as well as the place for his preaching, 
— it is not strange that, as the seeds of 
ambition sprang up in my young heart, 
they should show themselves in desires to 
be great in the kingdom of heaven. Could 
I read the writings of Wesley and Fletcher, 
and not feel stimulated to deeds of noble 
daring ? Could I, living in this age of the 
world, be satisfied with imitating a less 
worthy model than Mrs. Fletcher or Mrs. 
Rogers'? Might I not hope that by possess- 
ing superior advantages I might become 
myself a more illustrious example of piety? 

Had there been discovered to me the true 
genius of the Gospel, I doubt not that then 
I should have consented to have learned a 



56 THE SHEAF. 

lesson of humility from the Master, instead 
of experiencing a feeling similar to that 
which the disciples evinced as they dis- 
puted among themselves who should be the 
greatest. But the same compassionate 
Saviour who bore with them, and taught 
them such lessons as they could bear, did 
not reject me because I, like them, failed to 
apprehend the true nature of his kingdom. 

Realizing, as now I do, that without faith 
it is impossible to please God, and that they 
that are in the flesh cannot bring forth 
spiritual fruit, I must adore that Good- 
ness which early taught my heart to fear. 
I realize now the truth of the words of 
that eminent poet, whose hymns for chil- 
dren made a deep impression upon my 
mind, in childhood. He says, rightly : 

" 'Twill save us from a thousand snares, 
To mind religion young ; 
It will increase with growing years, 
And make our virtue strong." 

After becoming convinced of the inward 
claims of the law, I failed, as the reader has 
already seen, to apprehend my privilege. I 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 57 

do not know but that I can say that I fol- 
lowed the light that was given me. In my 
testimony, which I felt called to give, I 
could say nothing less than that the blood 
of Christ cleanses from all sin. Had I real- 
ized, as I do now, that all unbelief is sin, — 
had I looked upon Christ as made of God 
unto me wisdom as well as righteousness, — 
I doubt not I should have ceased from my 
own wisdom, and from that class of works 
which must take the place of those that 
naturally follow the faith that apprehends 
him in all his completeness. I looked upon 
Christ in his priestly vestments, and believed 
that he had made a full atonement for all 
my sins. Standing in this truth, I felt no 
condemnation for inward defilement or out- 
ward transgression; but I failed to walk in 
entire newness of life, because I could not 
see, with equal eye, Christ my Prophet, 
Priest, and King. My heart cried after 
wisdom. I searched the scriptures on my 
knees before God, in secret places. I read 
the lives of the eminently pious. My in- 
quiry was, "Who will show me the exact 
standard of Christian attainment ? ' ' Stand- 



58 THE SHEAF. 

ing, as it were, on the threshold of the king- 
dom, and demanding my right to possess it 
in all its glory, I was detained there from 
hidden causes. 

Perhaps it may, with no impropriety, be 
said, that while I was in this stage of 
experience, I was like the husbandman who 
rejoices in finding precious seed, though he 
is ignorant of the manner in which it is to 
be reproduced. It is very natural to sup- 
pose that, in such a case, much time would 
be lost in experimenting. My understand- 
ing had become so far illuminated, that I 
clearly apprehended that Christ was an all- 
sufficient Saviour. I had so far availed 
myself of the provisions of the Gospel as to 
rejoice in their abundance, though ignorant, 
to a great extent, of the manner in which 
they are to be made available. When the 
truth was fully perceived, I was not dis- 
obedient to its dictates. 

I have given a somewhat detailed account 
of my wanderings and haltings, before com- 
ing to apprehend the spiritual nature of the 
kingdom of Christ, not without hope that 
the inquirer after truth might be benefited by 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 59 

its perusal. Cannot God, in the abundance 
of his grace, cause that even my haltings, 
by being made warnings to others, shall be 
among the things that shall work for his 
glory, while his patience and long-suffering, 
as exercised toward me, shall encourage the 
dullest scholar in the school of Christ ? 

Who shall prescribe for him a way? 
Cannot he do what he will with his own ? 
What if they who labor but an hour receive 
a penny ? Shall they who have borne the 
burden and heat of the day complain against 
the Master of the vineyard ? Will he not 
say, "Have not I done as I agreed?" 

It may be difficult, for such as are accus- 
tomed to define the precise meaning of the 
terms "justification" and " sanctification," 
and to describe the limits of that work of 
the Spirit which the soul undergoes, as the 
signification of these terms becomes apparent 
by actual experience, to fix data in my 
case, — to say when, according to their 
views, I was justified, or sanctified. I do 
not feel called upon to throw any light upon 
the matter in this particular. Much as my 
mind had been perplexed with questions 
6 



60 THE SHEAF. 

which very naturally arise upon this sub- 
ject, it ceased its carefulness when it com- 
mitted things, known and unknown, into 
the hands of the potter, without a doubt 
but that he would do his pleasure. 



CHAPTER VI. 

The eye of faith turned within, to watch the workings of the 
Spirit. — Believed that he would work his wonders in his 
own way. — Read in the Scriptures the wonders wrought by 
the Spirit. — Saw that human wisdom must forever lie 
buried in the dust. — The Christian cheerfully descends, in 
order to exalt Christ. — The ultimate result which the soul 
must realize that becomes clay in the hands of an indwell- 
ing God. — The process through which it arrives at this 
result. — Saw as through a glass darkly what was to be 
ultimately realized. 

Having come, through a clearer apprehen- 
sion of the offices of the Spirit, to a more 
perfect realization of Christ as the way, the 
truth, and the life, my eye of faith was 
turned within, to watch, with ceaseless 
care, the workings of the inward Comforter. 
My faith beheld in him a God able, and 
willing, and ready, to do all his pleasure. 
What wonders he could or would accom- 
plish, I did not dare to ask. One wonder 
he had already wrought, in bringing me to 
consent that he should do his own work in 



62 THE SHEAF. 

his own way, I had not only consented, 
but I readily believed that he would do for 
me this very thing. Here I rested, nor did 
I seek with curious eye to see the manner 
of his working, or watch with painful care 
to know what he was about to accomplish. 
I read in the Scriptures that mighty won- 
ders had been accomplished through the 
Spirit, — that through him men had spoken 
wonderful words, — words by which others 
had been saved ; that through him miracles 
had been wrought, by the apostles, both in 
the bodies and the souls of men. I learned 
from the Scriptures that the Spirit was to 
take of the things of Christ, and show them 
to the disciples ; that he was to guide them 
into all truth, and show them things to 
come ; that, favored as they had been with 
Christ's personal ministry, — witnesses, as 
they were, of his death and resurrection, — 
they must needs tarry in Jerusalem until 
they were endued with power from on high. 
I learned from the Scriptures that, as the 
Holy Spirit fell on the disciples on the day 
of Pentecost, they were prepared to fulfil 
their great commission, and spoke with 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 63 

tongues, while many heard, believed, and 
wondered. I read these words from the 
mouth of a risen Saviour: "Lo, I am with 
you always, even unto the end of the 
world." I read, and pondered, and espec- 
ially did I hide in my heart these sayings : 
" He shall guide you into all truth," — " He 
shall take of the things of mine, and show 
them unto you." I perceived that he was 
fully competent to make known in my 
heart the mystery of godliness, to that 
extent that I should be availed of all the 
gifts and graces which the Gospel proposes 
to bring to man. 

I had not arrived at this point of religious 
experience, and yielded myself to obey the 
voice of the Spirit, without being made 
acquainted with his claims. I saw that, 
both in the inward manifestation and the 
outward development of God's work in my 
heart, my human wisdom, which had been 
accustomed to forecast, — to look at appear- 
ances, to avoid seeming inconsistencies, and 
to anticipate probable consequences, — must 
forever lie buried in the dust ; that no possi- 
ble exigencies, or unforeseen emergencies, 
6* 



64 THE SHEAF. 

could for a moment demand it back from 
that grave into which it had fallen, as my 
faith apprehended Christ as made of God 
unto me wisdom ; that, like a child in love, 
I must be like a child in obedience, — obey- 
ing with or without a reason; that, as the 
child may perform an important service for 
the parent, by simply running to another, 
and repeating the words given him by the 
parent, though he may have little knowledge 
of the intent or design of his mission, so I, 
as an instrument in the hands of the Spirit, 
might be competent to the rendering of a 
similar obedience. When I learned this, I 
felt that it was a wholesome doctrine, and 
full of comfort. 

The Christian, as he desires to make 
known to others the object of his love, that 
they may see and love him too, cheerfully 
descends, he cares not how far, if it be but 
to prepare a place for the foundation of that 
cross which shall exhibit to view a crucified 
Saviour. Such is his love that he cares not 
if, in doing this, he be preparing the founda- 
tion for that cross upon which he himself 
shall be crucified. He says, "It is enough 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 65 

for the servant that he be as his Master;" 
and though it may not yet appear to him 
what he shall be, he has heard that " Every 
one that is perfect shall be as his Master." 

He readily perceives that, in his dealings 
with men, God desires to make known and 
exalt himself, while the creature, humbled 
before him, confesses his majesty. Recog- 
nizing God as unchangeable in his attributes 
and requirements, "Thou shalt have no 
other gods before me," is the first law 
written on the inner temple of his heart. 
Though, having come unto Zion, he has 
long since ceased to hear the thunderings 
of Sinai, he feels that Jehovah spake not 
with greater emphasis to ancient Israel, 
saying, "I the Lord your God am a jealous 
God; my glory will I not give to another," 
than Christ speaks now to his church, say- 
ing, "He that humbleth himself shall be 
exalted, and he that exalteth himself shall 
be abased." 

As I desire to bear testimony to the 
efficiency of the Spirit to guide into all 
truth, and as I feel especially called to 
testify to the result which the soul must 



66 THE SHEAF. 

eventually realize which becomes clay in 
the hands of an indwelling God, as well as 
the process through which it arrives at this 
result, it may not be improper to state, in a 
few words, what this result is, as well as 
the process by which it is obtained. 

This result cannot better be expressed 
than in the words of Christ, " That they all 
may be one, as thou, Father, art in me and 
I in thee, that they may be one in us." 
This complete union with the divine nature 
is the result of a full restoration to the divine 
image. Faith and obedience are as natural 
to the soul thus restored as unbelief and 
disobedience are to the carnal mind. This 
work, accomplished by the agency of the 
Spirit, is wrought in the soul by a baptism 
into the death of Christ, followed by a resur- 
rection in his likeness. 

I had, previously to that period of relig- 
ious experience of which I am about to 
speak, received into my heart the promised 
seed, with full confidence that the Gospel 
should do for me all that God designed that 
it should. Though I realized, from a present 
experience, that faith, even as a grain of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 67 

mustard-seed, removes mountains of unbe- 
lief, I had but a faint conception of the 
glory of that consummation which was in 
the future, while it had not entered into my 
heart to conceive of the painfulness of that 
complete crucifixion to everything but God's 
will, which necessarily precedes it. With 
the apostle, I had counted all things loss for 
the excellency of the knowledge of Christ 
Jesus ; but I had not as yet suffered the loss 
of all things, nor had I but a limited view 
of the extent of the meaning conveyed in 
the term " all things" 

It seemed good to my indwelling Teacher 
to give me to see as through a glass darkly 
what he designed me to realize, ultimately, 
with open vision. As a skilful chemist, who 
knows by what analysis to bring about a 
given result, it seemed good to him, by the 
very manner in which he showed me things 
to come, to lay the foundation of that cross 
upon which I was to be crucified. 



CHAPTER VII. 

The manner in which God's work was made openly manifest, 
as, also, the way in which were shadowed forth both the 
suffering and the glory yet to be realized. 

Hoping for the candor and the patience 
of the reader, — that he will judge nothing 
before the time, — and especially that there 
may come upon his soul a benediction not 
less than that which is couched in the 
emphatic word of the Revelator, — " Blessed 
is he that readeth, and they that hear the 
words of this prophecy, and keep those 
things which are therein written, for the 
time is at hand," — I proceed to narrate the 
manner by which God's work in my heart 
was openly made manifest, as also the way 
in which were shadowed forth both the 
suffering and the glory yet to be realized. 

The reader will remember that I had 
given no public testimony concerning my 
new apprehensions of truth. I had, indeed, 
written to a dear brother, then in Connect!- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 69 

cut, that I was trusting in God to do for me 
all his pleasure, in his own time and way ; 
but as the inward development discovered 
to myself little else than that " faith " which 
"is the substance of things hoped for, the 
evidence of things not seen," the outward 
manifestation to the little circle of friends in 
which, by the providence of God, I was 
placed, declared little more than that I had 
ceased from my own works. 

Indeed, to the eyes of those who had seen 
little else of the inner kingdom than that 
which is made manifest by the outer glory, 
Ichabod appeared already written on the 
doors of my tabernacle. 

In the fall of 1842, having spent the sum- 
mer under the paternal roof, I returned to 
my own dear home, in the quiet village of 
Avon, a place endeared by the associations 
of loved ones, bearing about me a double 
charge, in the inner work of the Spirit and 
the outward manifestations of Providence. 
The peaceful infant which I bore in my 
arms might have been called a fit emblem 
of the work in my heart. Her name, signi- 
fying "bitter," I might have thought appli- 



70 THE SHEAF. 

cable to the new inward creation, could I 
have foreseen its poignant workings in its 
future development; but, as yet, all quiet 
without, and within a stranger to inward or 
outward forebodings, I sat quietly at the 
feet of Jesus, waiting to catch the gracious 
words which might fall from his lips. 

The reader will recollect that at this time 
the subject of the personal advent of Jesus 
Christ, as at hand, was much agitated. 
Many were running to and fro, sounding, 
as they believed and professed, the midnight 
cry. 

I cannot say that I felt no interest in a 
subject so grave and important in itself, and 
especially involving such tremendous conse- 
quences ; but I had little confidence that the 
propagators of the doctrine of the personal 
advent of Christ as nigh knew, to a cer- 
tainty, anything more about it than did 
their opponents. 

I did not feel competent to weigh the 
opposing arguments of disagreeing doctors, 
while my inmost soul instinctively shrunk 
away from the exhibition of that human 
wisdom which taxed its utmost capabilities 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 71 

in its feeble attempts, in this respect, by 
searching to find out God. 

My convictions were, that those persons 
who, notwithstanding all the reproach and 
ignominy which they suffered, evidently 
thought they were doing God's service, by 
crying, "Behold, He cometh, j; had certainly 
as strong claims to their pretensions of sin- 
cerity and piety as had their opponents. I 
regarded them, as in other respects, like the 
mass of professing Christians, receiving and 
holding much of precious truth, but in a 
manner from which they derived little 
benefit. While I saw that, to the mass of 
professing Christians, truth comes by the 
hearing of the outward ear, and is approved 
and made manifest by human wisdom, I 
could not but judge Adventists with the 
same equanimity that I judged every other 
religious sect. 

The fact that I wish especially to get 
before the reader is this : Having come to 
a point in my religious experience from 
which I was accustomed to look back upon 
my path, and pass judgment upon my for- 
mer state, I almost unavoidably looked to 
7 



72 THE SHEAF. 

see where others were, and passed judg- 
ment upon them. I did not come to this 
survey with a desire to spy out the naked- 
ness of the land, but with a true desire to 
know, as far as I might, the true position 
of such as avowedly maintain the doctrines 
of the Methodist Episcopal Church. It 
may not be thought strange that one who 
had so early subscribed to her doctrines, — 
whose ambition had been, not only to 
become acquainted with her doctrines, but 
to observe her discipline, — should come, at 
length, to a reconsideration. What I par- 
ticularly desired to know was what her 
standard writers taught with regard to the 
teachings of the Spirit. 

While I could not fail to see that it was 
with her an established doctrine that the 
work of grace in the heart is accomplished 
by the Spirit, and that this work extends to 
the entire sanctification of the soul, I was 
pained to know, that, both in her ministry 
and membership, there were but few that 
were able to testify that the blood of Christ 
cleanses from all sin, while there were 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 73 

fewer still that appeared to have full confi- 
dence in the teachings of the Spirit. 

One reason why new inquiries arose in 
my mind, upon this subject, was this : I had 
been led to commit myself to the teachings 
of the Spirit, and the question very naturally 
arose, when my obedience shall be tested; 
— is it probable that I shall be called to act 
a part which my brethren will not approve ? 

I was not hesitating as to the expediency 
of obedience, for I had learned to call no 
man father; but I seemed to have a pre- 
sentiment that there might come a time 
when, in the estimation of others, I should 
exceed just bounds. I was not anticipating 
any wonderful manifestations or high- 
wrought bodily exercises, but I was expect- 
ing that in God's own time he would freely 
make known to me the things of Christ ; — 
and when I could not but see, that, notwith- 
standing all the truth which men may hear 
and read, there are few that are actually 
saved with the power of a present salvation, 
I was ready to inquire, who will receive my 
testimony? " What is that to thee? follow 
thou me," was the reply. 



74 THE SHEAF. 

Will the reader pardon my seeming 
digression, as I resume the thread of my 
narrative ? 

Believing that no one could know of the 
certain approach of the coming of the Bride- 
groom, much less be called to cry, Behold, 
he cometh, unless he were inwardly taught 
and commissioned by the Spirit, I felt quite 
at ease, knowing that to live is Christ ; or to 
die, or meet Christ in the sense in which 
Adventists expected him, would be gain. 

The doctrine of the universal spiritual 
reign of Christ had, from childhood, been a 
favorite doctrine; but not having received 
any light upon the subject, since, conscious 
of my utter ignorance, I had come to look 
upon the Spirit as the interpreter of the 
Scriptures, and the only teacher of spiritual 
things, through whatever channel com- 
municated, I could have no opinion with 
regard to it. 

I remarked to one of the propagators of 
the contrary doctrine, that, with his view 
of the subject, I could not divest myself of 
the impression that Satan would obtain a 
great triumph. He alluded to the fact of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 75 

thousands having died in infancy, from 
whose mouths God had ordained praise, 
and desired me to read the arguments 
which might be adduced to prove that the 
year 1843 would be the year of the personal 
advent of Jesus Christ. 

With an unprejudiced mind, I set myself 
to the task of investigation, being willing to 
lay upon the altar what still would have 
been a pleasing doctrine, could I have 
known that it was truth. I had not any 
curious desire to know things unrevealed. 
Whether time was to be long or short, was 
not the absorbing question, but whether the 
Gospel would do for me all that God 
designed it should. My faith gave an 
affirmative answer to the latter question. 

I had not fully examined the amount of 
proof which Adventists then made use of, 
when, one evening, while reading a small 
tract, containing their arguments to prove 
that the Sabbath of the world was at hand, 
I felt, from an inward testimony of the 
Spirit, that it was even so. 

Calm and peaceful, I retired to rest, slept 
sweetly; yet awoke, once or twice, just 
7* 



76 THE SHEAF. 

enough to have a joyous consciousness of 
the coming of the Bridegroom. 

I had. at this time, no intention of pro- 
claiming his coming; but believing myself 
in readiness for the event, I was quietly 
waiting for any indication of the will of the 
Master. 

He who comes to an apprehension of the 
offices of the Spirit, and lays hold on God's 
covenant at that altar to which they have 
no right who serve tabernacles, learns when 
to be still, and when to run; when to be 
silent, and when to speak. If it be his lot 
"to stand, and wait, and hear no call," still 
obedient, 

" He will not go without Iris Father's word." 

The day after receiving these inward 
convictions, I became conscious of an in- 
ward testimony, and soon found that I must 
echo with my tongue what the Spirit 
repeated in my heart. 

I commenced writing to my friends, 
exhorting them to be in readiness for the 
coming of the Lord. 

While engaged in writing, my husband, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 77 

who had been absent, returned, and seemed 
quite surprised that I had become so posi- 
tive, after so hasty an examination of such 
a subject, and begged me to read the argu- 
ments on the opposite side of the question. 
I replied that I believed their arguments to 
be valid, but I was not assured by them, 
but by the Spirit of God ; that, this being the 
case, I had no time to pursue their argu- 
ments, or to examine opposite ones. 

Joyfully yielding to the influences of the 
Spirit, that came upon me like a rushing 
mighty wind, I fulfilled my mission to 
others, by saying, as the Spirit gave me 
utterance, u Behold, the Bridegroom Com- 
eth," — " Prepare ye the way of the Lord, 
make his paths straight.*' They who 
watched my movements, and were con- 
vinced that I was obeying a powerful 
impulse, failed to discover the exceeding 
urgency of the King's commandment, as 
realized by me. 

My heart even now beats with gratitude 
toward those who, in this time of extraordi- 
nary manifestation of the Spirit, showed me 
all possible kindness. Though I could not 



78 THE SHEAF. 

submit to their judgment, I knew that it 
was with feelings of special interest for 
what they regarded as my good, that they 
suggested that fears were always to be 
entertained with respect to those who 
thought themselves to be the subjects of 
special illuminations; that they almost in- 
variably proved themselves to be fanatics ; 
that in that way many had lost a fair 
reputation for Christian character, and 
brought great ignominy upon the church; 
and that it was our duty to look upon a 
subject in its broadest light, and determine 
our course of conduct in view of probable 
consequences. 

Plausible as these suggestions were to 
them, I did not recognize them as words 
fitly spoken. I asked myself how I could 
take care of my Christian reputation, but by 
obeying the voice of the Spirit in my heart. 
I could not forget that he who thought it 
not robbery to be equal with God had, for 
my sake, made himself of no reputation; 
and I sought no greater honor than to be, in 
this respect, like my Master. 

Knowing that man's wisdom is foolish- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 79 

ness with God, and believing that God's 
foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom, I 
told my friends that I had nothing to do 
with consequences, any more than Jonah 
had, when he was called to go to Nineveh, 
and say, " Forty days, and Nineveh shall 
perish;'' and assured them that God was 
perfectly able to vindicate himself in all his 
ways, and that, however the event might 
prove, he could take care of his own glory 
in my case, as well as in the case of Jonah. 

In this dispensation of the Spirit, which 
was more glorious than any that I had 
previously known, I realized what it is to 
talk with God, as friend with friend. 
Though I felt that, with reference to some, 
I had a special commission, there were 
many things that the Spirit whispered in 
my heart, which he plainly indicated that I 
was not to utter. Indeed, notwithstanding 
the things which he made me to know, he 
said, with much emphasis. i: I have many 
things to say to you, but ye cannot bear 
them now." 

During the brief period that I was the 
subject of special spiritual manifestations, I 



80 THE SHEAF. 

experienced great peace, and joy, and tri- 
umph. Though I rejoiced in the anticipa- 
tion of a future glory, my joy was great on 
account of the voice of the Bridegroom in 
my heart. I thought that God was bring- 
ing forth the top-stone of the spiritual tem- 
ple, with shoutings of grace. My tongue 
was loosened, to declare, with great bold- 
ness, the truth as it is in Jesus. 

Though words better selected could not 
have been chosen, by which to express the 
ultimate result which that soul must realize 
that, by the utter rejection of self, receives 
into his heart the Promised Seed, I failed, 
at this time, to apprehend the import of the 
message of the Spirit. I knew that the 
Shepherd called me. 

" He drew me, and I followed on, 
Charmed to confess the voice divine." 

I had taken him for my wisdom ; and, for 
wise reasons, he set before me a lesson, the 
full import of which I was not competent to 
understand. My ignorance led me to con- 
clude that the Spirit, in testifying in my 
heart of the coming of the Bridegroom, bore 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 81 

witness to an outward coming, such as 
Adventists were expecting, when it was 
testifying, beforehand, of the full establish- 
ment of the spiritual kingdom within me. 
The attending circumstances were of such a 
character as to make it easy for such a mis- 
take to be made. 

The beginning of the shadowing forth of 
this future glory was realized while I was 
reading of the world's Sabbath as just at 
hand. As Philip found the eunuch reading, 
and began at the same scripture and preached 
to him Jesus, so the Holy Spirit, who is 
never wanting in means by which to make 
known and illustrate truth, saw fit, as he 
found my mind directed to the examination 
of that view of the Christian's final Sab- 
bath as maintained by Adventists, to make 
me realize, by infallible signs, the dawning 
of an endless rest in Christ. What a suit- 
able occasion was this ! 

I am not unconscious, while I feel called 
upon to testify concerning the things that 
have been freely given me of God, that I 
give, also, a clear exhibition of the dulness 
of the natural heart. It will readily be 



82 THE SHEAF. 

admitted that many who listened to the 
words which fell from the lips of Him who 
spake as never man spake, did not appre- 
hend his meaning, though he declared to 
them, — " The words which I speak unto 
you, they are spirit, and they are life." 
Even the prophets, who prophesied of the 
grace that should come unto us, searched 
diligently, in order that they might under- 
stand the import of that which the Spirit of 
Christ which was in them did signify. It 
was not given them to know those hidden 
truths, except by revelation. How often 
did Christ have occasion to explain his 
meaning to his disciples! "Are ye also 
without understanding?" was an appropri- 
ate question when addressed even to them. 
Says Paul, "When I was a child, I spake 
as a child, I understood as a child, I thought 
as a child; but when I became a man, I put 
away childish things." 

Reader, wouldst thou know the perfec- 
tion of that charity so beautifully described 
by the apostle? — wouldst thou have that 
love in thee wherewith the Father hath 
loved the Son? Then thou must become 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 83 

one with Christ, as he is one with the 
Father. See that thou refuse not him that 
speaketh within thee, because, at first, thou 
art not fully competent to understand. 
Blessed are thine eyes, though, as yet, they 
see as through a glass darkly. If thou 
wouldst ever come to the substance, despise 
not the shadow. Wouldst thou hear Him 
who hath loved thee, and given himself for 
thee, say "Thou art all fair, my love." 
"There is no spot in thee." Indulge in no 
impatient haste. Ere thou canst arrive at 
this consummation of thy hopes, he may 
have many things to say to thee, which 
now thou canst not bear. 

I am aware that, to some, it may appear 
quite paradoxical, how any one can be the 
subject of marked spiritual illuminations, 
and be called to bear a message from God, 
without understanding the nature of that 
message. 

I might say it was my uniform testimony 
that the Spirit in me bore witness to the 
coming of the Lord; and that, while Ad- 
ventists were endeavoring to prove from the 
Scriptures that the end was nigh, I cried, 
8 



84 THE SHEAF. 

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me. Though 
the accuser of the brethren has not failed to 
hurl his fiery darts at me, while he has 
endeavored to magnify the greatness of my 
mistake, my kind Shepherd has never given 
me even a reproachful look, because that I, 
as a little child, performed my errand with- 
out understanding its precise nature and 
design. Sweeter than the mother's hush 
of peace ever fell on the ear of infant, a 
gentle voice has said, Fear not, neither be 
dismayed ; I am thy God, that leadeth thee 
in a way thou knowest not, making dark- 
ness light, and crooked things straight. 

I am aware, also, that, to some, it may 
appear strange, if not absurd, that I should 
be called to give, with all possible confi- 
dence, a testimony to a stage of experience 
which was to be realized in the future. 

The great Husbandman, who has said of 
his word, u It shall not return to me void, 
but it shall accomplish that which I please, 
and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I 
sent it" if he choose to raise up a witness 
for the truth, may, with equal propriety, 
cause a testimony to be given concerning a 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 85 

past, present, or a future good. If he cause 
it to be proclaimed that a harvest is near, it 
amounts to a certainty that at least the seed 
has been sown. If, on the other hand, it be 
announced that seed has fallen on good 
ground, even in an honest heart, it is 
equally certain that there shall appear, first 
the blade, then the ear, and ultimately the 
full corn in the ear. As an illustration and 
proof of the above remarks, I may add, that 
of the two persons who had, at this, time, a 
better apprehension of the nature of my 
testimony than I had myself, one of them 
seemed especially qualified to explain the 
future glory, and rejoiced, on my behalf, in 
view of coming good ; while the other was 
equally joyful in the assurances which he 
had, from the things that I affirmed, that I 
had come to know the truth. 

Others, with equal sincerity, may see 
little propriety in my warning others to pre- 
pare for the reception of a good which was 
to be realized by myself. There might be 
some plausibility in the view of such, if it 
could be made to appear that the state of 
grace which I then saw in the future is not 



86 THE SHEAF. 

one to the attainment of which all are 
called. However much we may be accus- 
tomed to regard ourselves as isolated beings, 
God regards us as children of one family, 
upon each one of which he waits to bestow 
the equal favors of his grace. Does he 
seemingly separate one from the rest, and 
bestow upon him marked favors, he has 
equally in view the good of the whole as of 
the one. 

There were, at that time, two persons, 
whose example of faith and patience had 
been blessed to me, that understood the 
nature of my testimony. One of these (sis- 
ter Cogswell, before mentioned) visited me, 
before I was led to suspect my mistake. I 
felt, with her, all the freedom of a child 
with a mother. She was one who had long 
watched for the rising of Zion ; or, in other 
words, had long waited for the indications 
of the coming of Christ, in power and glory, 
to establish his spiritual reign in the hearts 
of men. 

Previous to her visit, she had received a 
letter from me, in which I had told her all 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 87 

that was in my heart. When she came to 
see me, at Avon, she said, " When I received 
your letter, I was reminded of these lines, 
from Dr. Watts, 

* Though seed be buried long in dust, 
It shan't deceive our hope ; 
The precious grain shall ne'er be lost, 
For grace insures the crop.' " 

She told me that a spiritual coming, in 
my own soul, could only answer to the 
spiritual crying of which I was the subject; 
and without evincing any uneasiness on 
account of my ignorance, said, God is able 
to separate the chaff from the wheat. 

So great was my present joy, and so 
abundant were my spiritual manifestations, 
that it was difficult for me to conceive of 
any future glory that could exceed what I 
then realized. 

Though the Spirit did not cease to bear 
witness in me, that that marked spiritual 
dispensation under which I then was (in 
many respects like that of John's) was to 
decrease, and give place to another, I 
thought that the glory which I saw in the 
8* 



»b THE SHEAF. 

future must be realized in another mode of 
being. 

My gracious indwelling Guide, whose 
prerogative it is "to show us things to 
come, 77 did not cause me to see, as in a 
glass, that harvest which must result from 
good seed sown upon good ground, without, 
in the most striking manner, giving me to 
realize the process by which the result is 
obtained. 

That process by which the soul is brought 
into a state of perfect union with God is well 
expressed in these words of Christ : "Except 
a corn of wheat fall into the ground, and 
die, it abideth alone; but if it die, it 
bringeth forth much fruit. 77 I beg leave 
here to say, that the doctrine of the entire 
crucifixion of self, after the soul has attained 
to that state of grace in which it becomes 
clay in the hands of the potter, with a faith 
that claims that he shall do all his pleasure, 
was not taught me by man ; neither received 
I it from man, but from the Holy Ghost. 

Before that dispensation of the Spirit 
(under which I cried, "Behold, He com- 
eth 77 ) had passed away, I was the subject 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 89 

of two marked exercises, by which were 
shown me what it is to know Christ in the 
fellowship of his sufferings and the power 
of his resurrection. Until the time that 
this painful stage of religious experience 
was shown me, I had fulfilled my mission 
with the greatest joy. One Sunday, just as 
I left a class-room, where I had enjoyed 
great liberty in giving testimony, these 
words of Paul were spoken with great 
emphasis in my heart : " Lest I should be 
exalted above measure, through the abun- 
dance of the revelations, there was given to 
me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of 
Satan, to buffet me, lest I should be exalted 
above measure." 

As I thought of the possibility of falling 
into pride, I said, I trust in thee, O God, for 
the thorn in the flesh, if it be necessary ; and 
I cheerfully welcome it as the greatest good 
which thou canst bestow. Soon after this, 
the word of the Lord in me began to assume 
a character which might well be termed the 
burden of the Lord. At the family altar, in 
the evening, I had a most marked realiza- 
tion of this truth : that we know not what 



90 THE SHEAF. 

to pray for as we ought; but the Spirit 
itself maketh intercession for us, with 
groanings which cannot be uttered. Igno- 
rant of my position, so far as different 
stages of Christian experience are known, 
without knowing why, I prayed for deliver- 
ance. My tongue was but the mere instru- 
ment of the indwelling Spirit, for I had no 
apprehensions of that painful exercise of 
soul which I was soon to realize. 

As the usual hour for sleep arrived, I did 
not feel at liberty to retire • but, my mind 
being drawn to engage in writing, I took 
my pen, when I found that, instead of my 
words being given with readiness, I must 
wait to know the mind of the Spirit. As I 
waited, a few words were given me, after a 
deep groaning of spirit. These words I 
wrote down, then waited to receive more. 
More were given, after increasing pain. In 
this way I continued to write, feeling that 
my pen was but the instrument of the in- 
dwelling Spirit; and though a part of a sen- 
tence was given at a time, when the letter 
was concluded, there was no want of con- 
nection in the parts. But this was not the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 91 

distinguishing mark of this exercise. It 
was characterized by a deep pain of soul, in 
which it seemed that my body could not 
sympathize. No groanings of the body 
could help to give vent to this inward pain. 
My body seemed as the motionless chamber 
of the soul. My soul seemed like a glass 
vessel filled with heated air. There seemed 
to be scarcely any vent ; or, rather, the vent 
seemed to bear this relation to the pressure 
of the inward heat, that it barely suffered 
sufficient to escape to keep the vessel from 
bursting. Deep in my soul (for words were 
nothing here) I cried, " Father, if it be pos- 
sible, let this cup pass from me; neverthe- 
less, not as I will, but as thou wilt." 

Another characteristic of this exercise 
was my utter helplessness. I could not 
hasten or retard these waves of unutterable 
grief that rolled over me. I felt that, with 
reference to receiving aid or sympathy from 
any human source, I was left alone, and 
there was none to help me. As I became 
conscious of coldness in the outward frame, 
as the inward heat ceased its intenseness, it 
did occur to me that I might experience 



92 THE SHEAF. 

relief, in that respect, if a friend were nigh 
to keep £ fire for me. 

Soon after this, that Heaven-appointed 
angel, Sleep, led me to quiet repose. "I 
laid me down, and slept. I awaked, for the 
Lord sustained me." 

The following day, as, with increased 
vigor of mind and body, I was giving my 
attention to home duties, and pondering in 
my heart what could be the meaning of the 
painful exercises of the previous night, a 
gentle voice whispered, "The fellowship of 
His sufferings." How my heart melted as 
I realized that my Saviour had given me to 
taste of one drop of his sad cup ! I counted 
it an honor to which I had not aspired. 

I had, at this time, but a slight concep- 
tion of the lessons of instruction that I have 
since drawn from reverting to that night of 
agony. Though I saw in the peculiar 
marks of this exercise the distinguishing 
features which characterized the sufferings 
of the Man of Sorrows, I failed to perceive 
that the full picture here presented was 
ultimately to be realized in myself. During 
the time of this exercise, I thought that I 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 93 

was experiencing the thorn in the flesh, 
which I had welcomed to my heart. 

The other marked exercise referred to 
was the opposite of the one just described. 
It was one by which was shadowed forth 
the glory of the soul fully restored to the 
Divine Image. This exercise was given on 
a funeral occasion. I not only had faith in 
my indwelling God, as a God able to raise 
the dead, but I had a most sensible realiza- 
tion of the omnipotence of the Spirit. My 
own spirit was clothed with this energy to 
a degree that well-nigh astonished me. I 
not only felt this energy pervading my whole 
being, but was conscious that that divine 
power in me was able to raise the dead. 

This exercise, though it made a deep 
impression upon my mind, was less under- 
stood than the former. It was, to some 
extent, like a picture, the original of which 
had not been seen, though so fully impressed 
upon my mind that the original could not 
be discovered without a clear perception of 
the resemblance between the two. 



CHAPTER VII. 

Called to leave first principles. — Days of spiritual desolation 
and sore conflict. — New test of obedience. — Suggestions 
of Satan. — Suffered no unnecessary pain. — Little varia- 
tion of experience. — A gradual change. — Led to consider 
previous exercises. — Became inured to trial. — Increase 
of the spiritual life. — Indications of the nature and 
progress of the work. — Marked assurances of the fulfil- 
ment of a precious promise. 

The time having arrived when, in my 
religious experience, I must needs leave the 
first principles of the doctrines of the Gos- 
pel, and go on unto perfection, forgetting 
the things that were behind, I pressed for- 
ward toward the mark, for the prize of my 
high calling. 

I soon perceived myself in an unknown 
path. To the eye of sense, the race set 
before me was a steep declivity, in descend- 
ing which I could make no haste. I had 
seen enough of the glory of the spiritual 
kingdom to be assured of the omnipotence 
of the Gospel. I had had such views of the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 95 

might of the Spirit, that I could not fail to 
expect great things. I did not, Jonah-like, 
sit down and watch to see what would 
become of the world, but I was looking to 
God, and listening to hear what he would 
say to me. 

I became more and more conscious that 
the glory was departing from me, with 
reference to inward manifestations. That 
God in this respect should leave me, with- 
out assigning a reason, and at a time, too, 
when I had thought that he was bringing 
forth the top-stone in my heart, was indeed 
a sore trial; but my stricken heart could 
only say, Thou doest all things well. 

Previous to these days of spiritual desola- 
tion, when I was given up to the bufferings 
of Satan, as was Jesus in the wilderness, 
my mind was led to contemplate much 
upon the trial of Abraham, when he was 
called to offer up Isaac, the child of prom- 
ise. It seemed to me that the Lord designed 
to teach me some special lesson, by refer- 
ring me so often to this instance of trial. I 
was particularly impressed with one view 
of the subject, — to wit, the laying of Isaac 
9 



96 THE SHEAF. 

upon the altar by the hands of the Father. 
This question often arose in my mind : Did 
not God, by this requisition, design to make 
known to Abraham something of what it 
cost hirn to lay upon the altar the promised 
Seed of the woman, the Lamb slain from 
before the foundation of the world ? 

It appears to me, when the soul arrives at 
that point where it is called to lay even 
holiness itself upon the altar, — or, in other 
words, when ceasing to be taken up with its 
holiness, it rejoices exclusively in the God 
of holiness, — that it is made to know some- 
thing of the yearnings of the heart of Infinite 
Love, as he gave his only begotten Son to 
die. I believe that the soul, having passed 
this point, has already experienced a bap- 
tism into the name, or the nature, of the 
Father, distinct, though not separate, from 
that of the Son. 

As my obedience had been tested, in 
respect to obeying the impulses of the 
Spirit, when he bade me cry, " Behold, the 
Bridegroom cometh," I came now to a 
severer test. I am not prepared to say 
that, previous to this time, my faith or 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 97 

obedience had been severely tried. So long 
as the Lord gave me a mouth and wisdom 
which all my adversaries could not gainsay 
or resist, there had been but little room for 
trial. But while I was saying, "It is good 
for me to be here," I was called to descend 
from what had been to me as the mount of 
transfiguration, into the valley of humilia- 
tion, where it was my lot not merely "to 
stand and wait, and hear no call," but to 
descend lower, and yet lower still. 

I had, when I yielded myself to be clay 
in the hands of the potter, consented to 
cease from my own works. My spiritual 
Refiner knew well how to prepare the fur- 
nace that should try me in this respect. 
The mistake that I had made, in not appre- 
hending the nature of that coming to which 
I had borne witness, while it gave the keen- 
est point to that thorn in the flesh which 
has pierced my soul in every part, was 
made to subserve an excellent purpose, 
since it not only compelled me to bear my 
cross, but furnished the nails which fastened 
me to it. 

The remembrance which I had of my 



98 THE SHEAF. 

former state, when I talked with God as 
friend with friend, and when he opened my 
mouth to declare the truth with all bold- 
ness, had a tendency to make me feel more 
desolate. 

The friends who previously had not 
understood me were poorly qualified to 
speak a word in season to me now. They 
feared for me, because they did not discover 
in me that outward activity which had 
marked my course in former years. It was 
evident that they judged my apparent want 
of zeal for God as the result of my miscon- 
ceived notions of following the Spirit. 
Instances were not wanting w T hen, could I 
have been permitted to have expressed the 
language of my heart, I could have said, 
" Miserable comforters are ye all." Though 
I did not hesitate to maintain my integrity, 
in my mouth were no reproofs for my ac- 
cusers. 

Satan, in this time of trial, did not fail to 
act the part of an accuser. He often sug- 
gested that I reaped but little fruit from my 
faith, and derived less power from the pres- 
ence of the indwelling Spirit, since he in- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 99 

spired but that simple prayer, " Thy will be 
done" Whether he came as an angel of 
light, a roaring lion, or a subtle serpent, he 
showed this one design, to induce me to 
take my cause out of the hands of Him to 
whom I had committed it. He would often 
quote scripture, endeavoring to make it 
appear that, for the sake of the cause of 
God, and that my good might not be evil 
spoken of, and especially that none of 
Christ's little ones should be offended in me, 
I ought to command upon myself more 
visible influences of the Spirit. 

Though I felt keenly the force of his sug- 
gestions, and could not bid him flee, I could 
answer him successfully, by saying, if I am 
ignorant, Christ is wise. He is abundantly 
able to take care of his own cause ; and as 
for my Christian reputation, I have none 
separate from him. 

The great question with my accuser was, 
"What are yon doing?" Having received 
Christ as an infant Saviour, born in the 
manger of my heart, what could / do but 
worship him? In her utter poverty, my 
soul had no gifts to offer him. What could 
9* 



100 THE SHEAF. 

she do but wrap herself in the mantle of her 
own nothingness, and humbly prostrate her- 
self in silent adoration ? 

I am fully satisfied that my heavenly 
Father did not suffer me to have one 
unnecessary pain. 

He designed that I, like my gracious 
Captain, should be made perfect through 
sufferings; and that I might be perfectly 
crucified to my own ambition, reputation, 
and friends, he did not permit me to come 
down from the cross, to work a miracle, to 
prove the sincerity or genuineness of my 
faith; but he threw a hedge about me, 
which I could not overleap. 

For about three years, my religious state 
scarcely varied. It will, perhaps, be sur- 
prising to some to know that my religious 
testimony was far from one of complaint. I 
continually testified to the sufficiency of 
salvation, as they with whom my lot has 
been cast can bear me witness. My testi- 
mony was like that of the apostle: "The 
life which I now live in the flesh, I live by 
the faith of the Son of God." I understood 
the import of the words "always sorrowful, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 101 

yet always rejoicing;" and while I felt no 
liberty in testifying to the sorrow, I could 
speak of the joy. 

My conduct, to some, perhaps, appeared 
not less mysterious than that of David, 
when he learned that his child was dead. 
Conscious that I could not vindicate myself 
in the eyes of others, "I behaved and 
quieted myself as a child that is weaned of 
its mother." The language of my heart 
was, Why should I weep? Though 1 
seem shorn of spiritual strength, and am 
made to realize that without Christ I can 
do nothing, why should I complain? 

It was not until I became so crucified to 
former religious joys and manifestations, 
that the remembrance of them began to 
fade from my memory, and I felt that it 
was a matter of indifference whether or not 
God appeared to vindicate my cause, that I 
began to realize some new development of 
the spiritual life. 

The manifestation was, at first, faint, as 
the glimmering ray which betokens the 
dawning of day. This passage of scripture 
was much in my mind: " Behold, thy 



102 THE SHEAF. 

King cometh unto thee, meek and lowly, 
sitting upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal 
of an ass." Though with the gentlest 
accents, these words were so continually 
whispered in my heart, that I was ready to 
say, Can it be that God has been fulfilling 
his promise, and I perceived it not? Is it 
in the abiding presence of this meek and 
lowly one that I am now, and have been, 
realizing the coming of the Bridegroom ? 
Has Millerism (a term which associated 
with itself both ignorance and fanaticism) 
been but the animal upon which he has 
been making his entry into the spiritual 
Jerusalem } 

I was not in haste to pass judgment 
upon myself. I felt an unbounded satisfac- 
tion in knowing that He into whose hands I 
had committed all things knew full well 
the way in which he was leading me, as, 
also, the goal which I should ultimately 
reach. If he were preparing me to receive 
him in all the pomp and majesty of the 
King of glory, my heart could say, " Ho- 
sanna to the Son of David. Blessed is He 
that cometh in the name of the Lord;" but 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 103 

if I was destined still to feel the fires of the 
furnace, I could respond, Amen. Good is 
the will of the Lord. Led, as one blind, in 
a way I knew not, I dared not ask to have 
my exact position explained to me. 

In the gradual change in my experience, 
I realized more liberty in testifying to the 
power and sufficiency of the Gospel, and its 
attainableness through faith, though I be- 
came more and more sensible that God was 
carrying or a hidden work in my heart, to 
which I could not bear testimony. 

As it pleased God, at length, to indicate 
to me, from time to time, something of the 
nature of that work which he was accom- 
plishing in me, I was often carried back to 
those marked exercises described in the pre- 
ceding pages. That exercise by which I 
had been shown what it is to know Christ 
in the fellowship of his sufferings, was 
especially brought with great vividness to 
my mind. This had been to me, from the 
time in which it was given, as a book of 
reference. It was, at first, a sealed book. 
I did not understand its deep design, but I 
believed that there could not have been 



104 THE SHEAF. 

given a surer evidence that what was writ- 
ten under those painful circumstances was 
the truth of God than was received at that 
time. I hesitate not to say, that my 
spiritual Moses has completed his work in 
me, according to the pattern there shown 
me ; and while I say this, I desire to bear 
testimony to the truth of these words of 
Christ : " Ye shall indeed drink of the cup 
which I drink, and with the baptism that I 
am baptized with withal, shall ye be bap- 
tized. 53 

Assured as I am that no one can ever 
come, in the unity of the faith, to the 
measure of the stature of a perfect man in 
Christ, unless, in this respect, he follow 
him, I hope that the patience of the reader 
will not be exhausted, if I shall, by a detail 
of my own experience, endeavor to impress 
upon his mind, that "as many as are 
baptized into Christ are baptized into his 
death." 

Though conscious that I had known 
what it is to taste a drop of the sad cup of 
Christ, I was slow to perceive what it is 
spiritually to eat his flesh and drink his 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 105 

blood. I failed to discover how perfectly, 
from the period in which he was made 
manifest in the flesh until his ascension, he 
was the representation of the soul that is 
begotten of God. 

As the veil began to be taken away, my 
mind, as I have said, was turned to the 
contemplation of past exercises which had 
been inexplicable. As I found in my own 
experience that conflict succeeded conflict in 
rapid succession, and that I had no power 
to hasten or hinder the intenseness of the 
flames that surrounded me, I remembered 
that so it was in the pattern which had 
been shown me, I turned from the picture 
to the Original : I beheld a man of sorrows, 
and acquainted with grief. As I was led, 
by successive crucifixions, in a way I knew 
not, I often felt encouraged when I remem- 
bered that, in the pattern which had been 
shown me, though a part was shown at a 
time, the several parts, when taken together, 
made a perfect whole. I looked to Christ, 
my great example ; and I saw that, from the 
time of his miraculous conception until his 
glorification, he had perfectly fulfilled his 



106 



THE SHEAF. 



mission. I believed that as he had done, so 
I should do, — that as he had kept his 
Father's commandments and abode in his 
love, so I should keep his commandments 
and abide in his love. Having a full 
expectation that the Gospel would perfectly 
accomplish its design in me, I believed that 
my obedience would be like his, a perfect 
obedience , or, in other words, that the work 
in my heart, corresponding to good seed 
sown on good ground, would ultimately 
result in a harvest in kind and degree such 
as would best please the Sower. 

As I came gradually to discover that the 
work of crucifixion was being carried on, I 
felt like saying, How am I straitened until 
it be accomplished ! I not only remembered 
that the scriptures affirm that if we suffer 
with him we shall reign with him, but I 
knew that, after the sufferings of Christ had 
been shown me, the glory which was to 
follow was also made manifest. As I had 
all along, so now I realized, that I must 
abide my time. 

Perhaps my patience was in no respect 
more severely tried than in this. After I 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 107 

had come to feel that it was of no conse- 
quence, so far as myself was concerned, 
whether or not God should appear to vindi- 
cate my cause, my silence with regard to 
my not being able to make a fall declara- 
tion of the truth that had been revealed in 
me, was especially painful on another 
account. One feature of the new develop- 
ment of the spiritual life was the going out 
of my soul after others. Though not audi- 
bly expressed, from the depths of my heart 
was continually breathed this aspiration, — 
O, that the salvation of Israel were come 
out of Zion ! 

While I saw that the mass of professing 
Christians were bound down under a 
spiritual bondage, more oppressive than 
that experienced by ancient Israel in 
Egypt, I would gladly have been the 
instrument of their delivery. Though per- 
fectly acquiescent, it was, nevertheless, a 
painful fact, that my hour was not yet 
come for giving that testimony to the power 
of the Gospel which I held myself in readi- 
ness to give when the Spirit should open 
my mouth. 

10 



108 THE SHEAF. 

I had become so inured to pain that I 
could glory in my infirmities. At the com- 
mencement of this inward crucifixion, when 
my helpless, bleeding soul could' only say, 
"Not my will, but thine be done," I failed 
to realize that it was only repeating the 
language of the Lamb slain on the altar of 
my heart. When my soul apprehended her 
crucified Lord, she exclaimed, as did 
Thomas on recognizing a risen Saviour, 
"My Lord and my God." I became so 
much in love with him, that it was the joy 
of my heart to follow him wherever he 
should lead me. 

But, as the inward life increased, it 
became burdensome (if I may so speak) 
from its own fulness. 

Nearly three years since, it pleased God 
to give me further indications of the nature 
and progress of his work in my heart. It 
was my privilege to spend a short time at 
a camp-meeting, where were assembled a 
goodly number with whom I had frequent 
intercourse. Knowing that many of these 
were inquiring after the way of holiness, I 
could not but hope that at that place they 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 109 

might be brought to the rest of faith. While 
my heart was drawn out after these, a gen- 
tle influence pervaded my whole spiritual 
being. As a mother returning, after a long 
absence, with a gift to her child, says, "I 
have something for you," so gentle and 
refreshing seemed this spiritual manifesta- 
tion. I felt that I already had in possession 
all the grace which God had seen best to 
bestow, yet I believed that there were many 
gifts which my ascended Lord had received, 
which, if he saw best, he could enrich me 
with. 

I knew that he could, if he saw that it 
would be for his glory, so carry me through 
the furnace of affliction, that even the smell 
of fire should not be on my garments. I 
knew that he could loosen my tongue to 
declare, for the benefit of others, the exceed- 
ing greatness of the salvation of the Gospel, 
or that he might bestow upon me a real good, 
and that it might come in the shape of 
severer trials. I could not choose, though 
the promise was, "If ye ask anything in 
my name, I will do it." "Such a gift as 
thou wilt," I replied. "He that asketh 



110 THE SHEAF. 

receiveth," was the answer. There was no 
effort on my part to lay hold on the promises 
of God. I knew that the faith which receives 
is the faith of the Son of God, that abides in 
the hearts of the humble ; and as with listen- 
ing ear I gave attention to the inward voice, 
I was made to know that God had put 
into my possession a store of blessings, not 
for my sake only, but for the sake of the 
church and the world, to be brought into 
requisition in his own time and way. The 
Lord gave me liberty in declaring the things 
which he then showed me. As the work 
gradually advanced in me, I realized, more 
and more, that God, in his dealings with 
me, had as great a regard to the highest 
good of others as he had to my own, and 
that the gifts which I received were for 
others equally as for myself, while I felt 
that God was making me the depository of 
spiritual treasures, which I: longed to dis- 
tribute. 

This longing which I had to impart to 
others, while my soul seemed as a sealed 
fountain, led me often to say, in class-meet- 
ings, that I felt that I had a baptism to be 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. Ill 

baptized with, and was straitened until it 
was accomplished. Though I did not cease 
to declare my full dedication to the service 
of the Lord, as well as my unwavering con- 
fidence in him, I had no liberty in testifying 
to others of the extent to which he had 
saved me. I had only to wait until my 
spiritual Moses should smite the rock in my 
heart, and bid the waters gush forth. 

About two years since, I received the 
assurance that this scripture was beginning 
to be fulfilled in me, " Whoso belie veth 
on me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of 
living water." This passage had been 
brought to my mind with a great, deal of 
force, years before, when I first began to 
feel myself bound as a whole burnt-offering 
upon the altar. While I saw the broadness 
of the promise, and especially while I looked 
at the power to do good to others that was 
embraced in it, Satan seemed ready to make 
use of it to urge me to claim its immediate 
fulfilment in me, rather than to submit that 
God should choose for me as to the manner 
of the Spirit's operations in my heart I 
was made to understand, at that time, that I 
10* 



112 THE SHEAF. 

had no prerogatives as a daughter of Abra- 
ham, to give any direction to God's work. 
I had to learn that this scripture is not ful- 
filled in its highest sense until the soul is 
risen with Christ, and with him exalted. 
It is in that grave which the soul finds that 
is buried with Christ that these living 
waters take their source. 

I received, in the assurance of the fulfil- 
ment of this promise, a manifest token that 
Christ was risen in me. There was also 
accompanied with it a realization of that 
fulness of glory which is enjoyed by the 
soul when it comes to be completely restored 
to the divine image. My tongue was loos- 
ened, and before the assembled multitude I 
shouted, u Rivers! rivers! rivers of living 
water /" From that time I saw clearly that 
I should overcome, by the word of my testi- 
mony, and that I should know the full 
import of that song that ascribes glory, 
honor, and dominion, unto Him that has 
washed us from our sins in his own blood, 
and hath made us kings and priests unto 
God. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Came to a complete triumph. — Was enabled to give an 
explicit testimony to the hidden workings of the Spirit. — 
Overshadowed with the exceeding glory of the presence of 
the Lord. — Spiritual communings. — A clear indication 
of a call from God. — Left home. — Seemed in more than 
Eden's garden. — The joy of the soul restored from the 
bondage of sin to the image of God, greater than Adam's 
in his primeval state. — Arrived at S. — Fulfilled the mis- 
sion given. — Conscious of being made a sign to others. 

Nearly a year since, my soul was 
brought to a complete triumph. I over- 
came by the word of my testimony. At a 
camp-meeting held in Portville, I was 
enabled to testify that I had known Christ 
in the fellowship of his sufferings, and that 
I was beginning to know him in the power 
of his resurrection. 

I was especially called to testify of former 
exercises, in which I had seen, as through a 
glass darkly, what then I had come to real- 
ize fully. I was led to go to the Rushford 
tent, where I could testify to friends with 



114 THE SHEAF. 

whom I was daily conversant concerning 
the way in which God had led me. As we 
repaired from the tent to the stand, I was 
rejoiced to hear the preacher announce for 
his text the following words: "And he 
that overcometh, and keepeth my works 
unto the end, to him will I give power over 
the nations (and he shall rule them with a 
rod of iron, as the vessels of a potter shall 
they be broken to shivers) ; even as I 
received of my Father. And I will give 
him the morning star." 

As the preacher, in his exposition of the 
text, gave a description of the works of 
Christ which we are to keep unto the end, 
and spoke of the victory obtained by them 
that overcome, I saw that the way was 
being prepared for my giving a more spe- 
cific testimony than I had ever before done 
in public. As the preacher concluded his 
discourse, I arose to testify to the truth of 
the doctrine preached. As the Spirit gave 
me utterance, I there stated that I had over- 
come; that I had kept Christ's works unto 
the end ; that I had drunk of his cup, and 
been baptized with his baptism. As the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 115 

fountains of my soul were unsealed, I said, 
"I have trodden the wine-press alone; in 
my humiliation my judgment has been 
taken away. I have been led like a lamb 
to the slaughter : and as a sheep before her 
shearer is dumb, so I have opened not my 
mouth." 

Before leaving the encampment, such an 
exceeding weight of glory rested upon me 
as could not but be made manifest. I felt 
that the occasion had been one on which 
my spiritual nuptials had been celebrated. 
Satisfied that all who would arrive at the 
full glory of the Gospel dispensation must 
come in the same way, — even by the cross 
of Christ, — made known by inward cruci- 
fixions, under the influences of that Spirit 
which permeated my entire being, as it was 
my privilege to be among the servants of 
the Lord as one that serves, I administered 
to them the words of truth, by saying to 
them, individually, " Poverty, then riches; 
suffering, then glory; humility, then honor." 
I was conscious, at that time, that to be 
able to speak the truth appropriately is no 



116 THE SHEAF. 

less a miracle than that of converting water 
to wine. 

Returning home, I spent the night in 
spiritual communings. The way which I 
was to take having been clearly indicated, I 
arose at early dawn and commenced mak- 
ing the needful preparations for the journey 
laid before me. I saw that I was to go to 
Smithport, where I expected to meet my 
husband, and attend a Sabbath-school cele- 
bration, and fulfil my mission to the little 
ones who should be there assembled. 

Knowing from whom I had received my 
commission, what to others appeared formi- 
dable obstacles were no more to me than 
the billowy deep was to Christ, as it rolled 
between him on the shore and the disciples 
in the ship, tossed on the Sea of Galilee. 

With the whisper of peace in my heart, 
not less authoritative than that by which he 
commanded the winds and the waves, I 
was enabled to calm the tumult which 
arose among my little ones, as they mani- 
fested the distress which they felt at the 
thought of my leaving them again so soon. 

To a brother who kindly said, u Do not 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 117 

go, Sister Thomas; I am afraid you will 
make yourself sick," my reply was, "The 
King's commandment is exceeding urgent. 
The day of the Lord hastens; it hastens 
greatly." 

My way having been prepared, in a man- 
ner which strikingly exhibited the fulfilment 
of the injunction, " Provide neither gold, nor 
purse, nor scrip," I left my home, shielded 
with the benediction of the Son of Peace. 
The senses of the inner man were so fully 
awake that my physical powers were com- 
paratively domant, yet sympathizing in the 
joy of my soul, they knew no want. Though, 
compared with the perfection of the inward 
vision, the outward was indeed dim, yet my 
physical, mental, and moral powers, seemed 
in perfect harmony with each other, — with 
the visible creation, and with that God that 
pervades universal nature and fills im- 
mensity. 

Did I open my eyes to look upon the sur- 
rounding scenery, I saw nothing but grand- 
eur and beauty, in joyous harmony. The 
trees of the fields clapped their hands ; the 
mountains skipped like rams, and the little 



118 THE SHEAF. 

hills like lambs. All inanimate nature 
seemed to dance for joy, while it perfectly- 
answered the design of its Creator. 

Assured that my soul was fully restored 
to the divine image, by the mighty work- 
ings of that power by which Christ was 
raised from the dead, I seemed in more 
than Eden's garden, while, with a con- 
sciousness of true Christian liberty, I felt as 
free to obey the impulses of my restored 
soul, as the roe upon the mountain is free to 
obey its own natural instincts. 

I was satisfied that Adam the first, cre- 
ated as he was in the image of God, and 
empowered with dominion over the beasts 
of the field, the fowls of the air, and the 
fish of the sea, was a stranger to that dignity 
of which the soul is conscious, as, risen in 
Gethsemane's garden, it becomes both a 
king and priest unto God. I felt called to 
testify that the soul which fully awakes in 
the likeness of God is abundantly satisfied, 
— that its real joy is greater than was 
Adam's, at his first creation. His was 
indeed a perfect happiness. As, conscious 
of innocency, he walked forth in that 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 119 

beautiful garden in which he was placed, 
pleased with its odors, fanned with its 
breezes, and charmed with the melody of 
its music, his was a joyous state, which 
might well provoke the envy of a fallen 
angel. Doubtless his whole being responded 
to the acclamation, "Let everything that 
hath breath praise the Lord!" But the 
restored soul, having washed its robes and 
made them white in the blood of the Lamb, 
as it takes its new position before the throne, 
has as great an assurance of its innocency, 
while it sings a louder song. Here the 
Christian sings a triumphant song. Here 
are shouts of triumph like the shouts of 
warriors returned from the field of conquest. 
Here is no more contending with flesh and 
blood. Here is no more death, neither sor- 
row nor crying; for the former things are 
passed away. Here the chorus of the 
Christian's song is, " Unto Him that hath 
loved us, and washed us from our sins in 
his own blood, and hath made us kings and 
priests unto God, to Him be glory, and 
honor, and dominion forever." 

On my way to Smithport, I spent the 
11 



120 THE SHEAF. 

night, as I had the one previous, in spiritual 
communings. If sleep departed from my 
eyes, my body did not fail to become in- 
vigorated, from the manifest tokens which 
my soul received of the- speedy triumph of 
Zion. I heard a voice saying, with no 
uncertainty of meaning, "I will bruise 
Satan under thy feet shortly." 

The succeeding day, I arrived in Smith- 
port, and spent the following night under a 
most joyous sense of the presence of my 
Beloved. I felt that his left hand was , 
under my head, and that his right hand 
embraced me. 

The next day, as, with a joyous heart, I 
repaired to the place where were assembled 
the little ones who celebrated, simultane- 
ously, their nation's independence and their 
Sabbath-school anniversary, I was impressed 
with the fitness of the occasion for delivering 
to them the message of truth which was in 
my heart. The house, beautifully adorned 
with flowers and evergreens, was, to me, 
strikingly emblematical of the beauty of 
Zion. Two banners were placed in a con- 
spicuous place, on which were inscribed two 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 121 

mottoes : one, " Enemies in war, — in peace, 
friends;" the other, "Knowledge is power,' 7 
very fitly suggested the truths which I 
wished to communicate. 

Satisfied that he who moves in the divine 
order is never out of place, I took the time 
allotted me, as the children were partaking 
of their refreshments, to communicate to 
them the truth, as the Spirit gave me utter- 
ance. As I was leaving them, conscious 
that I was among them as one whom they 
knew not, I could but drop a word to the 
older members of the congregation, and say, 
" This day is this scripture fulfilled in your 
ears : ' I was found of them that asked not 
forme.' " I felt a conviction, which I could 
not but express, that it is true of those that 
are in perfect harmony with God, that 
whatsoever they shall bind on earth shall 
be bound in heaven; and whatsoever they 
shall loose on earth shall be loosed in 
heaven. 

During my stay in Smithport, I not only 
experienced powerful manifestations, but I 
was also the subject of exercises, the 
remembrance of which now only serves to 



122 THE SHEAF. 

strengthen the conviction which I then had, 
that God was making me a sign unto those 
that witnessed them. Previous to this time, 
as I realized that my soul was coming to 
enjoy the consummation of her union with 
her Beloved, 1 had seen that God designed 
in his own way to make manifest his work 
in my heart by visible signs. He did, in 
that marked period of spiritual manifesta- 
tion to which reference has so often been 
made, plainly indicate to me that he would 
make me a sign unto this generation. 

As I began to see that what had been 
shadowed forth before my spiritual vision 
was to be realized by me as a matter of 
personal experience, it was often with me a 
question why I should have been called to 
cry to others , " Prepare ye the way of the 
Lord, make his paths straight." As the 
valleys have been exalted, the mountains 
brought low, the crooked been made 
straight, and the rough places smooth, in 
my own heart, the mystery is explained* 
God has accomplished his work in me, not 
for my sake only, but for the sake of others. 
He has done it in such a way as not only to 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 123 

make me a sign to others, but to compel me 
to bear witness of myself. 

If the narration of my religious experi- 
ence, as well as my minute description of 
the manner in which God has led me, as 
one blind, in a way I knew not, shall induce 
the reader to place implicit confidence in 
God, and submit to the mighty baptisms of 
the Spirit, my highest wish will be gratified 
with reference to him ; and he may be as- 
sured that, if he abide the day of his coming 
(for he is like a refiner's fire, and as a 
fuller's soap), he will, becoming seven 
times purified, rejoice, ultimately, in his full 
restoration to the divine image. 



"CAN YE DRINK OF THE CUP THAT I 
DRINK OF?" 

Full long I sought, with ceaseless care, 

At Christ's right hand a seat, 
Ere yet I breathed that humble prayer, 
That asks no higher throne to share 

Than one at Jesus' feet. 

Full long he watched that raging thirst, 
That sought for thrones and crowns ; 
11* 



124 THE SHEAF. 

Yet, as lie loved me at the first, 
And died for sinners, e'en the worst, 
He spake without a frown : 

" Ye know not what ye ask, nor think 
E'en what my glories are ; 
I have a cup, of which I drink, — 
If from this cup you will not shrink, 
You shall my kingdom share. ' ' 

I said, " What thou wilt give, I choose, 

For grace can make me bear ; 
My life for thee I '11 gladly lose, 
Nor will I e'er thy cup refuse, 
Since I with thee may share." 

I bent me low, nor did I dare 
To seize the cup in haste ; 
" Thy will be done," my only prayer ; 
To drink each draught my only care, 
Though bitter to the taste. 

I drank ! Ah me ! what bitterness ! 
To God I raised the cry : 
"If to my lips thou still must press 
This wormwood cup, thy hand I '11 bless ; 
'Tis good with Christ to die." 

That cup is passed : a fragrance sweet 

Now fills my chastened soul ; 
Risen with Christ, for glory meet, 
Joint heir with him, I take my seat, 
The nations to control. 



CHAPTER IX. 

Too much importance not to be attached to the manner of the 
Spirit's operations. — The varied condition of the soul at 
different stages of experience. — The soul that is in union 
with Christ in union with his purposes to others. 

Without farther reference to personal 
experience, it may be well to remark, that 
no particular importance should be attached 
to marked religious exercises, or special 
spiritual manifestations, considered as the 
only way or means of inward sanctification. 

The Saviour, in praying for his disciples, 
says, " Sanctify them through thy truth; 
thy word is truth." It is by the apprehen- 
sion and reception of the truth that the 
restoration of the soul is accomplished. 
God makes choice of that channel of com- 
munication which best pleases himself. He 
is not confined to any set of means. He 
may enlighten our understandings by the 
perusal of the Scriptures, so that we may 
clearly see in them the way in which we 
are to walk. But if, in reading the Word 



126 



THE SHEAF. 



of God. the veil be so on our hearts that we 
do not readily perceive the truths therein 
contained, he, who is the same yesterday, 
to-day, and forever, can, by his Holy Spirit, 
reveal the trath in us in a thousand ways. 
He may at once shine in our hearts with 
exceeding brightness, giving us a most 
vivid apprehension of spiritual things, or he 
may cause us to see at first as through 
a glass darkly, by showing us the shadow, 
and then the substance. Whether we be 
permitted to see the path in which we are 
led, or whether we go out blindfolded, not 
knowing whither, is of little consequence to 
us, while the command, "Follow thou me, 5 ' 
must be implicitly obeyed. It is true that 
he who in everything gives thanks will not 
fail to recognize the hand of God in the 
special manner of the Spirit's operations in 
his own case; but this must ever sink into 
comparative insignificance, in view of the 
glorious result, — the production of perfect 
love. Satisfied that though there be diversi- 
ties of operations, it is the same Spirit which 
worketh all in all, he will be far from say- 
ing to others, with reference to this or that 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 127 

peculiar manner, "This is the ivay, walk ye 
therein." While he may not fail to declare 
that in whatever heart the Gospel fully 
accomplishes its designs, the old Adam 
must die, and the new Man be raised up, 
he may not tell of the manner of the death 
or the resurrection. Like the apostle, while 
he rightly appreciates the various gifts and 
offices, as well as the diversities of the 
operations of the Spirit, he is ready to say, 
11 Though I speak with the tongues of men 
and of angels, and have not charity, I am 
become as sounding brass or a tinkling 
cymbal. And though I have the gift of 
prophecy, and understand all mysteries and 
all knowledge; and though I have all faith, 
so that I could remove mountains, and have 
not charity, I am nothing. And though I 
bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and 
though I give my body to be burned, and 
have not charity, it profiteth me nothing." 

It may be a matter of serious inquiry 
with some, as to what especially character- 
izes that stage of experience which follows 
that entire crucifixion of self a testimony to 
which has been given in the preceding 



128 THE SHEAF. 

pages. It may be asked, In what respect 
does the state of the soul differ here from 
the condition which it occupied when it laid 
itself upon the altar of entire consecration, 
and was conscious of acceptance? The 
work of entire consecration is a work per- 
fect in its kind, and fully meets the divine 
requirement when wrought in faith. As 
the children of Israel, at the command of 
Moses, brought, with willing hearts, their 
offerings to him, in order to the erection of 
the tabernacle, so the soul here offers up its 
entire powers to the divine disposal. The 
position now gained is a very important one, 
and so long as it is maintained, holiness to 
the Lord is inscribed upon every capability 
of the soul. There is an important sense in 
which it may be said that the kingdom of 
God has come to such a soul. Still, it is 
the kingdom in its incipiency, rather than 
in its completeness. Here faith may be 
perfect, inasmuch as it may claim, with full 
expectation, that God shall accomplish all 
his pleasure; and the Christian may say 
here, with a holy confidence, "Who shall 
lay anything to the charge of God's elect? 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 129 

It is God that justifies ; who is he that con- 
demns?" But as he submits to the baptism 
of the Holy Ghost and of fire, he becomes 
the subject of a progressive work, similar to 
that of the building of the tabernacle. He 
has no new offering to make, for he feels 
that the covenant which God has made 
with him is an everlasting one. He has 
laid himself on the altar of consecration, 
saying, with the poet, 

" Take my soul and body's powers ; 

Take my memory, mind, and will ; 
All my goods and all my hours ; 

All I know, and all I feel ; 
All I think, or speak, or do ; — 
Take my heart, but make it new." 

In realizing the answer of this prayer, he 
finds that each separate faculty is under- 
going a state of purification and preparation ; 
and as he comes fully to awake in the 
divine image, he sees that all things have 
indeed become new, — that his appetites 
and propensities, as well as every capability 
of the soul, have not only undergone an 
entire renovation, but have come into a har- 
mony of position, and that his spiritual state 



130 THE SHEAF. 

is one of permanency, answering to the 
tabernacle in its completeness. To such an 
one, the kingdom of God has come with 
power and great glory. He realizes that 
whereas, in his fallen state, sin abounded, 
now, being perfectly restored to God's 
image, grace much more abounds. He 
realizes the fulfilment of that ancient prom- 
ise, "I will put my laws into their mind, 
and write them in their hearts; and I 
will be to them a God, and they shall be to 
me a people." What matter of surprise is 
it, if, from the mouths of such as have 
attained to this state, — this resurrection 
from spiritual death, — there should pro- 
ceed a great voice, not unlike that which 
John heard, saying, " Behold, the tabernacle 
of God is with men, and he will dwell with 
them, and they shall be his people, and God 
himself shall be with them, and be their 
God. And God shall wipe away all tears 
from their eyes ; and there shall be no more 
death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither 
shall there be any more pain; for the former 
things are passed away"? Do not these 
who have come to this place of spiritual 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 131 

triumph answer to the description of those 
concerning whom one of the elders said, 
"What are these which are arrayed in 
white robes'? and whence came they?" — 
of whom it was said, " These are they 
which came out of great tribulation, and 
have washed their robes and made them 
white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore 
are they before the throne of God, and 
serve him day and night in his temple; and 
he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell 
among them. They shall hunger no more, 
neither thirst any more; neither shall the 
sun light on them, nor any heat. For the 
Lamb which is in the midst of the throne 
shall feed them, and shall lead them unto 
living fountains of water; and God shall 
wipe away all tears from their eyes." 

But the inquiry may be urged, May not 
danger arise from that state of conscious 
security which the soul experiences? Doubt- 
less many a follower of Christ has been 
overcome by the same temptation ivhich the 
Master experienced when the devil said to 
him, "If thou be the Son of God, cast thy- 
self down, for it is written, He shall give 
12 



132 THE SHEAF. 

his angels charge concerning thee, and in 
their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at 
any time thou dash thy foot against a 
stone." 

Still, the fall of such has not been the 
result of a firm reliance on that merciful 
High Priest, who, having himself been 
tempted, knows how to succor them that 
are tempted; but, on the contrary, it has 
been the fruit of a presumptuous confidence^ 
a place for which is nowhere found in that 
heart where all things are made neio. It 
seems impossible to contemplate that state 
of grace in which all the mind of Christ, in 
its maturity, is brought into the soul, with- 
out being impressed that from its nature it 
must be one of permanency. The poet 
seems to have that view of it, when he 
sung: 

"Jesus, plant and root in me 
All the mind that was in thee ; 
Settled peace I then shall find : 
Jesus is a quiet mind. 

" Anger I no more shall feel, — 
Always even, always still ; 
Meekly on my God reclined ; 
Jesus is a gentle mind. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 133 

" I shall suffer and fulfil 
All my Father's gracious will, 
Be in all alike resigned ; 
Jesus is a patient mind. 

" When 'tis deeply rooted here, 
Perfect love shall cast out fear ; 
Fear doth servile spirits bind ; 
Jesus is a noble mind. 

" I shall nothing know beside 
Jesus, and him crucified ; 
Perfectly to him be joined ; 
Jesus is a thankful mind. 

"I shall triumph evermore ; 
Gratefully my God adore, — 
God, so good, so true, so kind ; 
Jesus is a thankful mind. 

"Lowly, loving, meek, and pure, 
I shall to the end endure, — 
Be no more to sin inclined ; 
Jesus is a constant mind. 

"I shall fully be restored 
To the image of my Lord ; 
Witnessing to all mankind, 
Jesus is a perfect mind." 

In the minds of some, who are not yet 
satisfied as to the practicability of attaining 
to this state of grace in the present life, 



134 THE SHEAF. 

another inquiry may arise, — to wit, Is not 
this supposed state of grace the fruitful 
source of antinomianism 1 Doubtless great 
errors have originated from the fact, that 
many have misapprehended their spiritual 
condition, by thinking too highly of their 
own attainments; but truth is nowhere held 
responsible for the consequences of error. 

If Satan, in view of the progress and 
final triumph of truth, has used his utmost 
endeavors to counterfeit the genuine work 
of the Spirit, in its highest forms of mani- 
festation. — if he has succeeded but too 
well, — shall his lying wonders make the 
truth of God without effect ? Is it not be- 
cause that he is aware that nothing can 
more effectually contribute to the weaken- 
ing of his power than the attainment of this 
state of grace on the part of believers, 
that he is manifestly working, at the present 
day, with all manner of deceivableness ? 

Taking it for granted that this state is not 
a supposition, but a reality, may we not 
expect, from such as have attained unto it, 
works correspondent to faith? May we 
not expect that Christ's will that his dis- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 135 

ciples should bear much fruit shall be ac- 
complished in these? True it is, that, 
according to the judgment of this world, 
they may be far from accomplishing their 
mission. They who are looking for results 
correspondent to the visible array of means 
may well say, What will these quietists ac- 
complish? It is not saying too much of 
these to say, that they will do the bidding 
of their spiritual Joshua. These are the 
called, and chosen, and faithful, who follow 
the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. They 
will not, in the day of battle, desert the 
Captain of their salvation, — him who is 
called Faithful and True, and of whom it is 
said, "In righteousness he doth judge and 
make war." They who are not looking 
that it shall be made manifest that the 
excellency of the power is of God, and not 
of man, may see little to hope or to fear 
from the noiseless tread of these kings and 
priests, as they march about the walls of 
spiritual Jericho; but when, at God's bid- 
ding, they shall shout with a great shout, 
the walls of their enemies shall fall, and he 
whose battle it is shall have the praise. 
12* 



136 THE SHEAF. 

We do well to remember that the Lord, in 
accomplishing his mighty purposes of grace 
in the earth, will leave no flesh to glory in 
his presence. That in bringing again Zion, 
and in making her a praise in the whole 
earth, he wilL bring together the separate 
parts of the spiritual temple without the 
sound of a hammer. 

Says the Psalmist, "Out of Zion, the per- 
fection of beauty, God hath shined." It is 
only when the Gospel has so far accom- 
plished its designs that it has brought the 
soul to a full restoration to the Divine 
Image, that the Christian possesses in him- 
self that perfection of beauty which is here 
ascribed to Zion, and is emphatically pre- 
pared to be the light of the world. Every 
separate power and faculty of which he is 
possessed is fully prepared to become the 
channel of communication of spiritual good 
to others. Here is beauty in perfection, 
both intrinsic and relative. Here are order 
and adaptation combined in perfect har- 
mony, not only rendering the soul admirable 
in itself, considered as the finished work- 
manship of Him who has created it anew in 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 137 

Christ Jesus, but admirably fitted for the 
work for which it is designed. It is espec- 
ially true of the Christian here, that the 
words of Christ are fulfilled: "He that 
believeth on me, the works that I do shall 
he do also ; and greater works than these 
shall he do, because I go to my Father." 
Having no more contention with flesh and 
blood, the war in his members being over, 
he is fully prepared, in harmony with his 
Divine Leader, to attack the powers of 
darkness and spiritual wickedness in high 
places. Though, being awake in Christ's 
likeness, he is satisfied with reference to 
himself, coming into his new position, being 
made king and priest unto God, he sympa- 
thizes fully with his ascended Lord, and is, 
with him, henceforth expecting, until his 
enemies become his footstool. Though his 
state be one of quietness, peace, and assur- 
ance, — though no sweat of toil is on his 
brow, and he reposes with infinite delight 
on the arm of his Beloved, — he is, from his 
very nature, the servant of all, and fulfils 
the injunction, "Whosoever will be great 
among you, let him be your minister." In 



J38 THE SHEAF. 

his intercourse with his fellow-men, he 
shows that, like his Master, his heart is 
made of tenderness; that he comes not to 
them to be ministered unto, but to minister ; 
that he seeks not theirs, but them. Though 
conscious that dominion is given to him, 
even power over the nations, he knows no 
authority but that of love; and, as God's 
messenger to a fallen world, he comes with 
a salutation of peace. Though believing 
that he whom the Son makes free is free 
indeed, he will not abuse his liberty by 
destroying with his meat him for whom 
Christ died. Gentle as a nurse with a 
child, he will not break the bruised reed, or 
quench the smoking flax. It is a law of his 
nature, to the weak to become as weak, that 
he may gain the weak, — yea, to please all 
men, for their good unto edification. His 
sympathies, far from being confined to such 
as have come, in the unity of the faith, to 
the measure of the stature of perfect men in 
Christ, necessarily extend to the weakest 
believers that hang upon his promises. He 
cannot regard these as separate from him- 
self; and with the same facility that the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 139 

body bears about a feeble member, he bears 
their burdens, exemplifying the truth of the 
words of the apostle, "Ye are members 
one of another," by rejoicing with them that 
rejoice, weeping with them that weep, and 
enduring all things for the sake of the 
elect. His heart of love going out in the 
same direction of that of the Infinite, he 
weeps over sinners, even the rebellious; 
and, girded by the might of Him to whom 
all power is given, in heaven and in earth, 
he can descend to the very depths of degra- 
dation, to snatch the prey from the teeth of 
the spoiler, and thus save a soul from 
death. 

As charity vaunteth not itself, and doth 
not behave itself unseemly, he both realizes 
and exemplifies that he has nothing that he 
has not received. Called to be a witness for 
Christ, though he speak the truth with all 
boldness, he will do it with all humility. 
Does he declare that he that is born of God 
doth not commit sin, for his seed remaineth 
in him, and he cannot sin because he is bora 
of God, — that he that is begotten of God 
keepeth himself, and that wicked one touch- 



140 THE SHEAF. 

eth him not, — he does it in a way to make 
it manifest that all the glory is due to the 
seed of the woman , whose prerogative it is 
to bruise the serpent's head, and destroy his 
works. 

While, by a spiritual vision, he is made, 
in a greater or less degree, to discern the 
signs of the times, and can but be pained 
with the disorder and confusion which sin 
has produced, he cannot with a rash hand 
bring himself to the work of pulling down 
that which he sees must ultimately be 
abolished, or even of building up that 
which he is satisfied will at length become 
established. Relying on that God who is 
fully competent to bring order out of con- 
fusion, and light out of darkness, he readily 
adapts himself to the present condition of 
things, neither running before he is sent, or 
moving hesitatingly when commanded. 

In fine, the exact representative of Him 
who was made flesh, and dwelt among 
men, whether confined to the private or 
public walks of life, though, like a royal 
personage in disguise, comparatively un- 
known, he is still the salt of the earth, and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 141 

the light of the world. As the Gospel shall 
perform its mission in exalting our poor 
fallen race to its proper condition, it shall 
be his blessed privilege (inasmuch as the 
works that he shall do shall be greater than 
those accomplished by Jesus of Nazareth) 
to open the eyes of the spiritually blind, to 
cause the spiritually deaf to hear, and, by 
the words of truth which he shall speak, 
restore to life such as are dead in trespasses 
and sins. 



CHAPTER X. 



Bafety in submission to the teachings of the Spirit. — 
Scriptures point to the Comforter, and its teachings lead to 
an inward kingdom. — Causes of ignorance in spiritual 
things. — Spiritual wickedness the great barrier in the way 
of the advancement of the church. — A day of triumph at 
hand. 

As I desire to bear testimony to the neces- 
sity of confidence in, and submission to, the 
teachings of the Spirit, I would not fail to 
make the impression, that the soul that pos- 
sesses this confidence and this submission is 
in a safe position. 

I am aware that not a few, who honestly 
desire to know the things of God, are still in 
doubt as to the practicability of following 
this inward Teacher. They fear lest, in 
doing so, they shall be left to follow their 
own imaginations. In the thick darkness 
which surrounds them, instead of feeling 
after God, by obeying the glimmering ray 
which shines in their hearts as in a dark 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 143 

place, they turn their eyes to outward duties, 
and vainly hope that by the observance of 
these they shall burst their chains. 

How little do these perceive that they are 
actually realizing the thing which they 
most desire to shun ; that they are, in fact, 
following their own vain imagination, so long 
as they neglect to follow the" true Light 
that lights every man that comes into the 
world!" 

While there is no doubt that Satan often 
counterfeits the work and the graces of the 
Spirit, what higher proof than this can we 
ask, of the importance of the genuine work? 

Is it not strange that to the natural man, 
who cannot discern the things of the Spirit, 
it may seem like being placed in a very 
uncertain position, to be shut up to follow- 
ing an unseen hand? but he in whose heart 
God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son, 
crying Abba Father, as readily obeys the 
hidden impulses of the spiritual life as does 
the lamb the voice of its mother, or the 
sheep the voice of the shepherd. Says 
Christ, " My sheep hear my voice and thev 
13 



144 THE SHEAF. 

follow me, and a stranger they will not 
follow." 

Many seem to suppose, because they have 
in their hands the Scriptures written by the 
inspiration of God, that they do not need 
the constant and unerring teachings of the 
inward Comforter, although there is not a 
truth contained in them which is more 
prominent than that the Spirit has been 
given to guide us in all things. 

A large class of Bible readers at the 
present are not unlike many who gladly 
received John as a prophet, but rejected 
Christ, of whom he bore witness. They do 
not come to that Christ who reigns in the 
heart, whose prerogative it is to baptize 
with the Holy Ghost and with fire. 

The Bible points those who follow its 
teachings to that kingdom which is within, 
which is not meat and drink, but righteous- 
ness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. 
Until the reader of the Scriptures finds this 
inward kingdom, the beauty and glory of 
the truths contained in them are unre- 
vealed, and even then their mysteries may 
not be all explained. The meek who fol- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 145 

low God in perfect self-abandonment do 
not complain, if He, whose sole prerogative 
it is to open to them the Scriptures, does not 
reveal to them all the mysteries contained 
in them. Knowing that Jesus Christ is of 
God made unto them wisdom, they quietly 
wait on him, leaving it with him to make 
disclosures as he pleases. 

Since it is a fact that many even of pro- 
fessing Christians, who have great reverence 
for the Bible, do nevertheless never come to 
know the nature of that kingdom which 
Christ came to establish, is it not worth our 
while to inquire the cause? Perhaps some 
may feel that the question is fully answered 
in that oft repeated reply, " because of 
unbelief." But are there not obvious causes 
which induce this unbelief, which are lost 
sight of? Are the offices of the Spirit suffi- 
ciently set forth by those that professedly 
stand up for the declaration and defence of 
the truth 1 Is it not on account of the lack 
of instruction in this particular, that many 
are sickly among us ? 

A pious writer of the present day well 
exclaims, O how infinite in importance is the 



146 THE SHEAF. 

point which the arch deceiver gains by the 
little words a only unbelief'' ! But does not 
Satan equally endeavor to blind the mind 
in another respect ? As he would fain per- 
suade the sinner that unbelief is a misfortune 
rather than a sin, does he not equally hinder 
him by inducing him to look without for 
that which can only be found within ? Are 
not many sincere inquirers hindered by 
looking to a Christ that has gone away, 
rather than expecting an inward revelation 
of him in their hearts ? 

Mr. Fletcher gives as a reason why 
Christians reject Christ in the Spirit, as the 
Jews rejected him in the flesh, that they 
expect him in their own way. He says, 
" Cease from your own false wisdom, and 
become as a little child, or you cannot enter 
the kingdom of heaven and see the King in 
his beauty." 

It cannot have escaped the eye of the 
spiritual observer at the present day, that 
false wisdom is still not only preventing the 
possessors of it from entering into the king- 
dom of heaven themselves, but by being 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 147 

exalted to places of authority it is hindering 
others. 

Spiritual wickedness in high places has 
so exalted itself, that the testimony of 
Christ's little ones, who do indeed follow the 
Lamb whithersoever he goeth, is scarcely- 
heard. 

True, they are indeed the light of the 
world and the salt of the earth ; but their 
number is so small compared with the 
mass of professing Christians, that they are 
scarcely recognized as bearing about them 
continually the distinguishing badge of dis- 
cipleship, — that of love one to another. 
They do indeed love one another with pure 
hearts, fervently, but, comparatively speak- 
ing, the world perceives it not. 

Since the Saviour has said, "By this 
shall all men know that ye are my disci- 
ples, if ye have love one to another," shall 
we be out of place, if we inquire why it is 
that the world feels so little the power of 
this love ? Where is to be found the great 
barrier that intervenes between the church, 
Christ's representative on earth, and the 
world, which is to be saved through her 
13* 



148 THE SHEAF. 

instrumentality? Shall we not find this 
barrier in the nominal churches in Christen- 
dom? What though in these God hath 
reserved to himself more than seven thou- 
sand men that have not bowed the knee to 
the image of Baal, who that is possessed of 
spiritual discernment can deny that the lan- 
guage of inspiration addressed to the church 
at Laodicea is appropriately addressed to 
these ? Who that is able by a spiritual 
vision to discern the signs of the times can- 
not see that human wisdom, which thinks 
by searching to find out God, and prefers 
its own vain efforts to that humility which 
submits to the teachings of the Spirit, is 
both a Herod and a Pilate to Christ's little 
ones who follow him, in true simplicity of 
spirit ? 

Here it seeks the young child, to destroy 
him, and forces him into Egypt. There it 
arrays him in mock robes, spits upon and 
condemns him. Nor is its malice abated, 
though it nail him to the cross ; but it must 
needs place a guard about the dead body of 
Christ spiritually, crucified in his members. 
But there comes a day of triumph for Zion. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 149 

As certainly as Christ rent asunder the 
bands of death, because it was not possible 
that he should be holden of them, so cer- 
tainly the church, following her triumphant' 
Head, shall see a day of conquest. All the j 
barriers which spiritual wickedness canj 
ever throw around the church shall be j 
no more to her, as she comes to be risen j 
with her Head, and permeated with the \ 
power of his resurrection, than the keepers 
were to Christ, while they watched about 
his sepulchre. As He arose, so shall she ; 
and as her members shall be able to testify 
to a risen Saviour in the heart, the world 
shall feel the authority of their whisper of 
peace. 

Then shall be made manifest in the 
church that love wherewith the Father has 
loved the Son. The world, in seeing how 
Christians love, shall see the outshinings of 
the glory of that God that is in the midst 
of them. Then will be manifested love for 
betrayers and murderers. The carnal Chris- 
tian shall be pricked in the heart, while he 
shall look upon Him whom he has pierced, ; 
though ignorantly, in unbelief, and consent 



150 THE SHEAF. 

himself to die with Jesus crucified. The 
elder brother, overcome by the power of 
love, shall join in the music and dancing 
which shall celebrate the prodigal's return. 
The word of the Lord shall have free 
course, run, and be glorified, and Zion shall 
no more be termed desolate, but she shall 
become the joy of the whole earth. 



CHAPTER XI. 

A word to Christ's little ones who have chosen hini in poverty 
of spirit. — Zion already in beautiful garments. 

Perhaps, by this time, the patience of the 
reader is becoming exhausted; yet I cannot 
do justice to my own feelings, without say- 
ing a word to Christ's little ones, who have 
chosen him in utter poverty of spirit. 

I need not tell you that, having Christ, 
you have with him all needed good ; for I 
know that in this respect your heart is as 
my heart. I need not say to you as 
Madame Guyon's adviser said to her, "Ac- 
custom yourself to seek God in your heart, 
and there you will find him;' J for it is given 
to you to know that the kingdom of heaven 
is within you. Ye have an unction from 
the Holy One, and need not that any 
man teach you. I need not tell you that 
it is safe to trust implicitly to the teach- 
ings of the indwelling Comforter, for I 
am satisfied that to him you pay ceaseless 



152 THE SHEAF. 

homage, worshipping the Father in spirit 
and in truth. I need not tell you of the 
harmony which pervades that kingdom of 
which you are the subjects. I need not say 
to you that here 

" Names, and sects, and parties fall, 
And Jesus Christ is all in all ; " 

that there is no contending among the mem- 
bers of the body of Christ, no saying of the 
hand to the foot, "I have no need of thee." 
I need not say to you that the subjects of 
this kingdom are members one of another, 
and that they would as soon hate their own 
flesh, as fail of fulfilling that "new com- 
mandment" which said, Christ " give I unto 
you, that ye love one another." 

I would, if I might, wash the feet of the 
humblest disciple, who in following Christ in 
the regeneration, is treading the wine-press 
alone. Permit me, then, to say, whether 
before Pilate or Herod, or bearing the cross 
up the rugged steeps of Calvary, Fear none 
of those things that shall come upon thee ; 
though thou fall, thou shalt rise again. The 
sufferings of the present time are not worthy 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 153 

to be compared to the glory which thou 
shalt realize, when thou shalt have kept 
Christ's work unto the end. Thou shalt 
be more than conqueror. Covered with 
wounds, evincing even in thy fall that thou 
hast been a mighty warrior, hereafter thy 
scars shall be the tokens of thy victory, 
whilst thou shalt bear about thee the marks 
of the dying of the Lord Jesus. Thou shalt 
make thy grave with the rich, in thy death. 
In that new life which thou shalt fully 
assume, thou shalt continually bear about 
thee the odor of that ointment with which 
thy dead body was perfumed. Risen with 
thy risen Head, thou shalt no more remem- 
ber the pain of that anguish which thy 
soul now realizes, as in being baptized into 
Christ it is baptized into his death. If thy 
delight in a crucified Saviour be such that 
thou canst under no circumstances forsake 
him, what joys shall swell thy heart, when 
he shall bring thee forth from thy grave and 
deck thee with jewels, — yea, adorn thee as 
a bride adorned for her husband. As Jeho- 
vah said unto Abraham, "Now know I that 
thou fearest God, since thou hast not with- 



154 • THE SHEAF. 

held from me thy Son, thine only Son, 
whom thou lovest," so will thy heavenly 
Spouse say to thee, now know I that thou 
lovest me, since thou hast loved me unto 
death ; enter thou into the joy of thy Lord. 

Standing as in the garden of Gethsemane, 
risen with my risen Head, I would breathe 
a whisper of peace to every member of the 
body of Christ. Ye Marys, and ye Johns, 
who with weeping sympathy have stood 
about the cross of Jesus, crucified in his 
members, seek not the living among the 
dead. Behold he is risen. Run with joy 
to bring his disciples word. Publish the 
joyful message. Zion has already put on 
her beautiful garments, and is terrible to all 
opposition, as an army with banners. Like 
her Lord in Majesty, her eyes are as a flame 
of fire, and her feet like unto fine brass. 
Out of her mouth proceedeth a two-edged 
sword which devoureth her enemies. Her 
countenance is as the sun shining in his 
strength. 

Ye Peters, who still are weeping bitterly 
at the remembrance of that cowardice which 
led vou to follow at a distance the man of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 155 

the cross, more than restored to former con- 
fidence, strengthen your brethren. Feed 
the sheep and the lambs. 

To every doubting Thomas, let me say : 
Handle me and see. Reach hither thy fin- 
ger and behold my hands, and reach hither 
thy hand and thrust it into my side, and be 
not faithless, but believing. 

Perhaps I cannot better take leave of the 
reader, than by saying, in the language of 
Mr. Fletcher, "If you ever seek the saving 
knowledge of Jesus, never stop till you can 
witness your sun go down no more ; but, in 
the mean time, never slight the least ray of 
the heavenly light. The least may open 
into the broad day of eternity." 



ft* 



